I have a below the knee amputation with major surgery to my other foot caused by diabetic complications. So I would like to find someone to chat with.
tenderralph: I think it will be a long weekend. My left lung feels like it is filling up and burns like hell when I cough. Sinus appear to feel dry but causing a server headache and the throat starting to burn. To top it off blood sugar has sky rocketed. errrr hate this.
tenderralph: Made stuffed peppers for supper after seeing whisperingd48 pictures of hers so mine are in the oven now.
tenderralph: A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first
stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen
and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said,
"See ...He mated 50 times last year . once-a-week."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
This bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said,
"That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,
that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, “GO OVER AND ASK HIM IF IT WAS
WITH THE SAME COW."
NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to
stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple
more operations he will be ok.
tenderralph: Won 4 tickets to the Hockey game tonight and invited my brother and his 2 boys to go with me. If the snow holds off long enough.
tenderralph: I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. She said,
“I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo… and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a
better man for our daughter… Welcome to the family.’
And the moral of this story is:
ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN YOUR CAR!!!
tenderralph: A man and his wife are in court getting a Divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said, ‘Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody.’ The judge turns to the husband and says, ‘What do you have to say in your defense? The man sat for a while contemplating…then slowly rose. ‘Your Honour, if I put my ATM card into a cash-dispensing Machine and the cash comes out…whose cash is it?… ‘The machine’s or mine?’
tenderralph: NEBRASKA POEM
Smack in the middle of our great nation Is a state that requires
To east and west coasters who'll come right out and ask ya',
"Is there anything of interest in the State of Nebraska?"
It's true we don't have mountains all decked out in snow,
But we do have the world's biggest live chicken show.
We're the makers of Spam.
We invented Kool-Aid,
And this is where the first Reuben sandwich was made.
Our insect, the Honeybee. Our bird, the Meadowlark.
The strobe light, our creation, works best in the dark.
Governmentally speaking, we're a freak of nature.
Since we have the only one-house state legislature.
On Arbor Day, when you plant a tree,
Remember that it started in Nebraska City.
We were once called a desert, but that name didn't take,
Since we have the country's largest underground lake.
We have the world's largest forest planted by hand,
And more miles of rivers than any state in the land.
The College World Series calls Omaha "home,"
And yes, this is where the buffalo used to roam.
We were the first state in the nation to finish our Interstate section,
And the first to run two women in the gubernatorial election.
We invented 9-1-1 emergency communication,
And we're the number one producer of center pivot irrigation.
Our woolly mammoth fossil is the largest ever found,
And our monumental "Carhenge" is certain to abound.
We have several museums that could be called odd,
Dedicated to Chevy's, fur trading, roller skates and sod.
In Blue Hill, Nebraska, no woman wearing a hat, Can eat onions in
public. Imagine that!
We built the largest porch swing and indoor rain forest,
And anyone who visits is sure to adore us.
So pack up the kiddies, the pets and the wife,
And see why Nebraska is called "THE GOOD LIFE."
tenderralph: HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements
So what's so hard about that?
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:
It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. never forget
*arrangements she makes
tenderralph: A jock and a geek applying for the same job.
The boss said, “Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job.”
So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. “Well,” he said, “Both of you got the same score except I’m going to choose the geek.”
The jock complained, “Don’t you think that’s prejudice or something?”
“Well,” the boss said, “Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered ‘I don’t know,’ and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, ‘Me neither’.
Nicorrette: Ive posted 2 photos with a plant!wanna check?Im proud they will have pink flowers!its a cactus specy plant!
Nicorrette: I know their pink flowers will flourish only I wished a cactus that I also have to make flowers ,cause the cactus I remmembered have almost same type of flowers only it differes the colour(white).
tenderralph: Went to a very good concert tonight. Eastin Corbin was good but The Band Perry put on a really great show a lot of energy and well put on.