tenderralph Online

59 Divorced Male from Juniata       151
         
I have a below the knee amputation with major surgery to my other foot caused by diabetic complications. So I would like to find someone to chat with.
tenderralph
tenderralph: Took my daughter shopping with me today. Was having a good time and spending way to much money. Then at lunch time discovered she had lost her wallet with 3 credit cards , drivers license, and other cards. Ruined a good day.
22 days ago Report Link
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Dixie57
Dixie57: told ya Ralph ...still some good samaritans ....great news darlin s
13 days ago Report
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: good samariteans I like too
13 days ago Report
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: damn u catched me Rslph!I was looking for somethign religious and I jsut aprouved goodsamariteans when tehy were bad in Bible!or someone could tell me?
6 days ago Report
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Soul_Princess 
Soul_Princess: ..Sending
11 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Heart:
6 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: The VOICE is really good this year again.
19 days ago Report Link
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Thumbilina
Thumbilina: Sure is!
19 days ago Report
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brazillianhearted
brazillianhearted: Hi,Mr.TenderRalph!!!!! Yes,you do have a real good voice to wonderful jokes!!!!!!!
13 days ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: Just dropping by for a ..
16 days ago Report Link
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Soul_Princess 
Soul_Princess: ...Stop Tenda!!!!!!!!!....You are the biggest gamer out there!!!!!!!.....
17 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Do you learn what you see or is it breed into you?
17 days ago Report
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Soul_Princess 17 days ago Report
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tenderralph 17 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Feed him
2. Sleep with him
3. Leave him with peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements

So what's so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:

It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. never forget
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*valentine
*arrangements she makes
1 month ago Report Link
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Soul_Princess
Soul_Princess: What about men..
22 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph in reply to Soul_Princess: It says in the first 5 listed.
22 days ago Report
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Soul_Princess
Soul_Princess: I don't believe you get it Tenda....
22 days ago Report
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jean_B
jean_B: hi.
24 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph 24 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Bought a new BBQ grill today 5 burner with a pot burner on the side. Now to put it together tomorrow. Who wants to watch and tell me how.
27 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: chicken made enough for tomorrow also.
25 days ago Report
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Soul_Princess
Soul_Princess: Save me some!
25 days ago Report
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PaisleyDarville
PaisleyDarville: I'll be there!!!! (if only)
25 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Time to checkout the dating sites again. Spring is in the air sniff...sniff....
26 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph 26 days ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep in reply to tenderralph: and yer sword too...
26 days ago Report
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thomkat
thomkat: Ahhh............the anual spring rut.
26 days ago Report
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YENNA_
YENNA_: random hug
1 month ago Report Link
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tenderralph 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph got the Poker Won 5 badge 1 month ago Report
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Soul_Princess 1 month ago Report
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.

His mate turns to him and says,” Dave,that’s one of the nicest most respectful things I’ve ever seen”

Dave replies, “Well we were married for 20 years”
1 month ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now tell me, what the f*‪#‎k‬ would you say?" ...
1 month ago Report Link
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aBlutifulmess 1 month ago Report
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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carolinagirl2
carolinagirl2: Good one.
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Going to the horse races in a little while haven't been there for years. I have learned to only take what I can afford to lose and no more. I am sure I will feed them as long as it has been
1 month ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph in reply to Gurly: Don't do that you wont have anything to drink with. Forgot ypour a sexy woman men will buy yours.
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Had a good time as far as rent money goes I guess the cat sleeps outside. I lost $35. I guess she can stay in after all.
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph in reply to sassyone791: I used to work a window at a Quarter Horse track back in the 80's and seen the same thing.
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
1 month ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: I would kiss it and make it better.
1 month ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: Ralph, such ignorance by the golf pro and the golfer.....all eitherhadto say is, I was stung in the PERINEUM....doesn't any studyanatomy anymore??.....LOL
1 month ago Report
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly …

She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

‘There’s no charge,’ she says.

‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.

‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . …

So I just switched the heads.’

(Bet you didn’t see that coming lol)
1 month ago Report Link
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sky_deep
sky_deep: ewwwww..this is so bad...but funny....
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph in reply to sky_deep: I thought so to.
1 month ago Report
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DastardlyD 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba…
1 month ago Report Link
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sky_deep
sky_deep: Love it...
1 month ago Report
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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DastardlyD 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Had a young lady ask what I was looking for in here. O told her a hot horny woman. She said do you have yahoo.
1 month ago Report Link
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nancyjohngarang 1 month ago Report
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DastardlyD 1 month ago Report
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karly26
karly26: You Whooooo....
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and looks like something out of Spy Kids the movie, and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons, scrolled here and there, and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong? He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but none the less inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’
Eric grinned….. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
‘No,’ I replied. ‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like Eric, the little shit!…..
1 month ago Report Link
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Soul_Princess 1 month ago Report
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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sky_deep 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: So very nice to see you back my friend.
1 month ago Report Link
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Dixie57
Dixie57: Ty kindly my dear friend
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A 6 year old boy went to his father and asked, “Dad, what’s sex?” The father was so proud his son was becoming a man, he explained it to him in full detail with photos and videos. Out of curiosity the father asked, “Son, why did u ask me this?”

His son replied, “Mum told me dinner will be ready in a couple of secs…”
1 month ago Report Link
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DastardlyD
DastardlyD: I wonder if he is still hungry...
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, the other is four.

The nine year old grabs a box of Tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks, "Oh these must be for your Mom, huh?"

The nine year old shakes his head and replies,"Nope, not for my Mom."

"Oh, they're for your sister," replied the cashier.

Nine year old: "Nope not for my sister either."

Cashier, curious now; "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine year old says. "They're for my four year old brother."

Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??"

The nine year old explains; "Well, yeah! They say on TV that if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike. And my little brother can't do either.". **Erin**
1 month ago Report Link
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Henry Walsh 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: I think it will be a long weekend. My left lung feels like it is filling up and burns like hell when I cough. Sinus appear to feel dry but causing a server headache and the throat starting to burn. To top it off blood sugar has sky rocketed. errrr hate this.
1 month ago Report Link
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: Then get an easy relaxing with cold water Fervex or Coldrex!
1 month ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500 in reply to Nicorrette: hun, make my living with medicine profession, yet can't make a word of what u talking about,,,,but, u very pretty, so makes up for everything
1 month ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: ralph....all diabetics have defective immune systems...u need high potency broad coverage antibiotic....like Avelox (moxifloxacine)...all infections cause elevated blood sugar, but cause is prepiratory infection....u need broad coverage, and forget plain penicillin....u need a quinolone....get ur ass to ur doc and teach him...lol....good luck pal...be careful
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Voice has some good ones again.
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Thumbilina
Thumbilina: yep...oh my!
1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: The VOICE is awesome tonight.
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