tenderralph Offline

60 Divorced Male from Juniata       181
         
I have a below the knee amputation with major surgery to my other foot caused by diabetic complications. So I would like to find someone to chat with.
tenderralph
tenderralph: Just to let people know my surgery went well yesterday. They removed the middle toe on the left foot. I am at my friends house and she helping me recover.
1 day ago Report Link
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SoCal Ja NUT
SoCal Ja NUT: and ralph and prayers for you. Take care of yourself!
1 day ago Report
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chickabooms
chickabooms: awe...good to hear from you ralph...take yer time.. heal well my friend
1 day ago Report
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Clear123sil
Clear123sil: Wishing you a speedy recovery ralph
3 hours ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A skinny little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”
The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and starts shaking him. The big guy says, “What’s wrong with you?” In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”
The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me….. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Turner Brown?! Oh my goodness, I thought you said, ‘Turn around!”
4 days ago Report Link
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sky_deep
sky_deep: ...lol..
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Queen_Carlsberg 4 days ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: the endless fantasies about length....how many girls i have tuaght the limits and the shape of their fantasies....it's all Newtonian gravity, leverage, physics, cylinder geometry....but that could care less....after i get done talking the inevitable....how long are u and what is the circumference, and are u really not circumcised....I gave up long ago....lol
4 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"

...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."

....I love these touching stories !!!
11 days ago Report Link
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sky_deep
sky_deep: ..
11 days ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: sounds like my old gf
10 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Daughter's Vibrator

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.
When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.
In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law."
11 days ago Report Link
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LotusBlossomxx 11 days ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: ..
11 days ago Report
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Henry Walsh 10 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: "You'll be fine," the doctor said after finishing the young blonde
woman' s surgery.
But, she asked, “How long will it be before I am able to have
a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened...
as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.
The blonde was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all
right, won't I?"
He replied, “"Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever
asked me that after having their tonsils out."
14 days ago Report Link
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sky_deep 14 days ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: Ralph, great point....we live in an era of almost totally sexual, selfish, cold as frozen fish females who only see men as potential servants and eunuchs....and that is their fixation, namely control and power over some pathetic guy....so any woman depicted as normal female like this is refreshing.....how these eunuch lovers of the world must hate me..."yes dear, yes dear, yes dear"....lol
14 days ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: errata.....ASEXUAL.....not sexual
14 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home."
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."
22 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: I would stop on a dime for sure if it was me.
22 days ago Report
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Henry Walsh 22 days ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: Ouch...
22 days ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Listen to Rod Stewart from a couple records I picked up for 60 cents at thrift shop. Blondes Have More Fun and Foot Loose and Fancy Free.
22 days ago Report Link
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Oh yes
22 days ago Report
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STORM REBORN
STORM REBORN in reply to tenderralph:
22 days ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: Crank up those Rod Stewart tunes..I'm coming over...
22 days ago Report
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mrsmeallthex
mrsmeallthex: missing you...
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tenderralph 27 days ago Report
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Just Adrienne
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Just Adrienne
Just Adrienne: Ouch!!!
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tenderralph 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Please get stocked up on supplies before the bog storm sets in my friends. Food, water, batteries, and anything you may need if electricity fails it may be a couple days, Sounds like it will be a dangerous one.
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Thumbilina
Thumbilina: We'll be alright Ralph...We're survivors!
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tenderralph 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Janet
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tenderralph got the WireSlots Level 5 badge 1 month ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: New season of the Bachelor starts tonight.
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cynosure2002 got the Mistletoe badge from tenderralph 2 months ago Report
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tenderralph got the Gingerbread badge from sky_deep 2 months ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: Merry Christmas..sweetie......
2 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: You also sweetie.
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sheilahout79 got the Holiday Cheer badge from tenderralph 2 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Record high of 80 degree's old record was 68 tomorrows high is expected to be 28.
3 months ago Report Link
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CRIMSON VIXEN
CRIMSON VIXEN: Weather*
3 months ago Report
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Nephew of Sam
Nephew of Sam: It's 28 here now...
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Not sure of exact temp now but quite a shock walking to Church this morning.
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Well I think I found the right lady for me and only 25 mile apart.
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: oh be carefull ,its a south east Europe misile women ,u ll get embargo to women after u have a wierd surprise.
3 months ago Report
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lovelydebbie
lovelydebbie: Fantastic, my love is not far either, I do believe after all love can be found over the net.There are a few good ones left.
3 months ago Report
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: but what if u find many love on net?
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Went to the Doctor today for foot ulcer again started the cast again. :broken
3 months ago Report Link
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: I had too ulcer now its liver
3 months ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: all because one asshole foot doctor decided to proble ulcer in office....guarantee for infection....what an asshole jerl disguising as a so called "doctor"....lol. a real shit head
3 months ago Report
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette in reply to smelly 500: what ure talking about smelly?u better come in Romania,but Im afraid its teh same,Iwent for a stomathologist problem and now she didn\'t solved me ,although I was corageous ,I have to go again and believe people are scared about so many stomathologists.
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: So much for finding the right woman. I think she has a split personality. Better Just with my cat.
3 months ago Report Link
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smelly 500
smelly 500: Ralph...hear u man....but don't give up...nice caring sexy girls are here...wanting to get and give love...just a matter of sifting thru huge amount of unhappy, condescending, patronizing man haters, and humanity haters....who basically ,live no life at all and are jealous of anyone who has one....I have been intimate with at least 15 fabulous wonderful girls here...and others from another site....they are online....but hidden among much female trash....don't give up pal
3 months ago Report
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ostic1212avalon
ostic1212avalon: Yes we are here
3 months ago Report
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sky_deep
sky_deep: I'm left handed..but I'm always right....lol
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...don't you think by the time you get to the 5th it'll be hard?"

He replied, "Holy sh*t ... does everybody in the world know about this Italian bread but ME?!"
3 months ago Report Link
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Thumbilina
Thumbilina: lol...it's a secret!
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George’s two friends, Joe and Al.

Joe: “He’s burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over.” Joe looked at the dead man’s buttocks and said, “Nope, that ain’t George.”

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.

Al: “Wow, he’s burnt to a crisp. Roll him over.” Again, “Nope, that ain’t George.”

Mortician: “How can you tell?”

Al: “George had two assholes.”

Mortician: “What? How could he have two assholes?”

Al: “Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you’d hear people say, “Here comes George with those two assholes!”
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Nephew of Sam 3 months ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: OMG Ralph....how could u, how could u say that???...politicaslly incorrect, insensiticer, so crude, so low class....OMG, how could u Ralph...we all should be respectful little eunuchs...how could u Ralph..I'm gonna tell Obama on u, u lucky Eric Holder is gone..
3 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A duck hunter is out one day having no luck. He hunts the whole morning and couldn't get a single kill.

On the way home he comes up to a farm house and flying over the barnyard is a big flock of fat mallards.

Seeing his last chance for success, he takes aim at what looked like the biggest duck in the flock one and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and lands in the middle of the barnyard. As the hunter nears the barnyard and the dead duck, he sees he's got himself a beauty. But when he is a mere 20 paces from the duck, a farmer steps out of the barn, picks up the duck and heads for the house.

"Hey!" said the hunter, "Come back with my duck!"

"Your duck?" says the farmer, "It was lying dead in my barnyard; it's MY duck."

"No! No! You don't understand!, shouts the hunter,"I shot it and it just happened to fall here. It's mine!"

"Okay, city fella. We'll settle this the country way, "says the farmer.

"Country way? What's that?" says the hunter.

"We take turns hitting each other as hard as we can," says the farmer. "Last man standing wins the duck.... That is, unless you're Yella."

"Of course I'm not yellow," says the hunter.

"Fine. Country way it is," says the farmer. "Since we're on my property, I'll go first."

With that, the farmer takes a half step back, steadies himself, and kicks the hunter square in the groin as hard as he can.

The hunter gasps, screams like an animal, falls on the ground, curls up in a knot, turns 3 shades of purple, and nearly dies.

After a full half hour and with considerable difficulty, the hunter straightens up, gasps again, and in a high strained voice says, "Now... my... turn!

The farmer reply: "Nah, I give up. Here's your duck."
4 months ago Report Link
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Henry Walsh 4 months ago Report
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Just Adrienne 4 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: Growing Old Gracefully?

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examinations on the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do", said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I'm usually hot and sweaty and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting", replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns.

The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old coot!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"
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sky_deep 4 months ago Report
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dizzyb4u
dizzyb4u: aww thats sad...
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cynosure2002 got the Rose badge from tenderralph 4 months ago Report
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tenderralph
tenderralph: A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,…. “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… ‘Congratulations on your new location!'”
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Nicorrette
Nicorrette: oh God,its too complicated this!
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SoCal Ja NUT 4 months ago Report
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smelly 500
smelly 500: everything goes full circle in life....so have fun at every opportunity and dump ur ego...full circle comes to all...with or without fun along the way, and with or without inflated ego.....lol
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