Love all that is woman - even the bad moods, the tantrums, the long silences . Just seeking a good friend that is a girl. Am not so great at private chat - like inbox messaging - tell me anything - I like to know about your life, know your secrets
I am a 'little' naughty - I try to never lie.
heman06: I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop masturbating.
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Found my girlfriend's vibrator the other day.
I'm not saying it was big but I'm seriously thinking about entering it in Robot Wars.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm using my hand,
But I'm thinking of you
heman06: My girlfriend came home late last night from a party, smiling, looking all pleased with herself.
She says " I know something you don't know "
Me - " Yeah, what's that ? "
Her - " What it's like to play with a big, fat c-ck "
heman06: Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating !'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand!'
heman06: It is quite difficult to find a true friend on the internet - but sometimes you get lucky, find someone wonderful and sweet - brings a little happiness to your life, makes you laugh, makes you smile. Thanks baby - like you so much
heman06: Q: What did the penis say to the vagina ? A: Don't make me cum in there.
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm bank say when clients are leaving ? A: Thanks for coming !
It sucks to be a penis because your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you puke
Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it ? A: a cucumber
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator ? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!
Q: How is a woman like a city street ? A: Both have manholes
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can drop your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Just filled in my registration to an on line dating agency. One of the questions was, " what do you like in a woman ? " .....apparently " My cock " is not an acceptable answer
Only joking - love ye all.
heman06: Was in math class - teacher asks "what comes after 69". Apparently "I do" was not the correct answer
heman06: Aww, is such a terrible, terrible invention . What about us guys - we do our best AND we'll even give ye a little cuddle after ( just for a minute, before we fall asleep )
heman06: My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading.
The first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of cum and thought to myself, "This is going to make me rich.”
I once made love to a girl for one hour and fifteen minutes - started at 11.50pm and finished at 1.05am. Oh, now I remember - it was the night the clocks went foward
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
I wanted to become a sex maniac but I failed the practical.
I think I mentioned I could make love for eight hours. What I did not say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie