faith fullymarried but extremely lonely (Page 3)

sunlightblueabyss
sunlightblueabyss: wow! Nellie! I like your advice. Wish I could take it. I did once before when he had cheated. My world rocked for a minute. Then I took him back. Now I don't even know how to leave. I lost my job and my health insurance. Between depression and my whacked thyroid, I gained 60 lbs. I just don't even look or act like me anymore. He is permanently on disability and all he does is sleep or poop. I miss my rock concerts, shopping, music, long drives, friends, doing crazy stuff. Most of all I miss me. He knows how bad I feel and I reiterated to him today. His response? He went to bed. I miss life, but I don't want mine anymore. I just take up other people's oxygen.
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sunlightblueabyss
sunlightblueabyss: I wish I had intimacy. It took forever to get him to check his testosterone levels. They were bad. He got meds. Not working. I don't expect much, but if he showed he cared that would be something. Just some hope would be great. I never asked for money, jewelry, house, or a car. We have been married 24 years. I am 47 and I wasnt ready to be dead yet. I don't wear a diamond or own a home. I bought our vehicle. I can handle his disability. But gosh, he could help me. Care about me. Something. Am I crazy?
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nellie77
nellie77: sunlight let me say something and please don't think im being too pushy with my opinions as i have seen this first hand with my own mother.

gaining the weight and depression goes hand in hand with whats happened to you in your life, you are not a burden, take aside the exterior and look deep within, you are still human and have feelings.

I only can say take each step at a time, these changes i mentioned don't happen overnight, i seriously think life is too short and shouldnt be wasted.
This isn't about men either and categorising them as the bad ones, cause there are men also feeling trapped in marriages.
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lilollady09
lilollady09: Dear Sunlight. I am new here but was reading your posts. Don't ever think or feel as if you are taking someone elses oxygen. You are as much of a human being as the rest of the ppl here. Not trying to be a smart butt. Depression is hard to deal with at most times. Mine made me very ill, I thought that if i just left no one would notice. But I realized I would notice.
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lilollady09
lilollady09: I agree with Nelly77.
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quigley
quigley: managing your weight is simple,a little self control, eat less cut out all fast foods and sugar, go for a walk in the sunshine and breath some fresh air.

there is no reason for feeling sorry for yourself because you are fat, fatness is a choice.
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Jetters
Jetters: ^^ LOL How ignorant. Not in all circumstances, no.

As for being married and not happy. Leave. Leave. Leave

Its not the 50's. Move on. Kids survive divorce and they survive it better than a cold home the parents think they dont notice.
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quigley
quigley: young people so keen to throw everything away without working on it. makes one wonder who is ignorant?
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nellie77
nellie77: Ohh Quigley i disagree with young people giving up so quick...

I seriously question the sanctimony of marrige.,..
We live in a different world now, its nt like before where couples stay together just for the sake of it.

And i think your overweight comments are quiet shallow
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Jetters
Jetters: On the contrary mate. I know LOADS of couples who are still married into their 50's etc and for what purpose? Keep society happy? Id rather be happy alone than miserable with someone else just to keep the institute going.
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lilollady09
lilollady09: I am Married for many years. Some happy some not But I am staying for the "Institution". For the "Contract" so to speak. We are each individuals have our own things going on seperately, but we are still together. Even in making important decisions seperately. Yes leaving is a good out. But when you spend so many years with someone you pretty much know them. Weather you have young children or adult children a divorce still has the same effect on them. Being one that has been there done that, at an older age, why start all over again with some one you dont even know. I think what I'm trying to say, is that many of the younger ppl of today arn't marriage minded, and can just pack up and walk out at any given moment. I say Good for you. But sticking with it takes work.
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ktalyou
ktalyou: It's weird reading everyone's post and finding I can relate to them. I always thought that being married meant having a live in bff... It was for a couple of years but it seems that that ten years, forty pounds and three kids later, we aren't very close. Though most of the time I think I still love him, I can't really understand why he still wants to be with me. I wonder if it is just the obligation of it....
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quigley
quigley: ever thought that men may not be as shallow as women and that he really likes you?
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Jetters
Jetters: ^^ LMFAO Ive never met a man that isnt shallow. Where are they hiding?? haha
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Animal Lover
Animal Lover: I never cease to be amazed by the number of slim men I see walking around supermarkets with fat women. Obviously some of them - at least - like it!
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Jetters
Jetters: Ugh they are probably fat because they have squeezed out 3 kids ffs. Duh
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nellie77
nellie77: Yeah agree with last poster, its not easy staying slim after having children straight away, mind you i see plenty of fat dudes with pot bellies too married...
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quigley
quigley: why does it always get back to fatness with women?
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apollonian
apollonian: after 24 years of marriage, there is something lost. so much of that time was spent child raising, family support, paying bills working overtime, and on and on that we fell out of love. Now empty nesters we get along but cannot rekindle the old flame, even while both of us are in the best physical shape now, better financial shape and not many worries, but find life boring. But we still have each other and no one else to help us through upcoming golden years. Is it worth splitting apart to find excitement at being single and apart before I get too old to enjoy it? Don't suggest new hobbies together as we are constantly trying them and they give us things to do together, but they are not that exciting either. Old hobbies are frowned on by at least one of us, and chld raising were our most joyous events.
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quigley
quigley: apoll, i can't tell if you are the man or the woman however if you are the man get a ticket to thailand and you will find all the answers there.
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Jetters
Jetters: ^^ and you say men arent all shallow. Pffft lmao
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apollonian
apollonian: a man who has zero interest in thailand, there is more than enough in America
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savy453
savy453: so true
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lilollady09
lilollady09: Not all men are shallow. At least I don't think so. Lol. Could be though.
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quigley
quigley: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink
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