Relieving Immediate Hunger through the Science of Sandwiches (Page 2) DawnGurl: Shawn's observations raise yet another variable into the equation. Does the mayo simply add moisture to the bread or does it actually increase the sandwich's ability to satiate hunger? What of mustard? Relish? Salt? Pepper? Any condiment? What role do these play as being active participants in the hunger reducing qualities of sandwiches?  Corwin: I do believe that this Science has once again necessitated the formation of a new branch of study.... The Science of Sandwiches / Condiment Mechanics. Or possibly even a rivaling theory of Condimentum Entanglement. And upon further follow-ups on a previous experiment I began two weeks ago in my fridge regarding Left-Over Sandwich Dynamics, my most recent observations suggests that left on their own and without any outside interference, the left-over sandwich gives rise to entire colonies of microscopic life-forms of varying colours and odors... ... apparently some form of Sandwich Biogenesis!! DawnGurl: To think that Dr Corvin has stumbled upon the very genesis of life itself is mind boggling, and all from the Left-Over Sandwich Dynamics. I am truly humbled! This demands serious research and our utmost serious attention as this impinges on questions of origin, a place usually reserved for religion and other Godisms.  The13th: Yes, when I complete my maths, I assure you we can reduce mankind. I expect a clean sweep of Nobel prize next year. Corwin: Hmmm.... if we made sandwiches out of people, we could solve the problem of world-hunger and overpopulation all at the same time.... The13th: Oh so sorry, I intend to reproduce mankind ..not reduce haha .... if I get my maths right ...I think I am going to create Ingrid Bergmann first and have dinner with her. Corwin: Mmmmm... Ingrid Bergman sandwiches sounds good. I'd say "Here's lookin' at you, kid." before I took the first bite. DawnGurl: Dr Corvin, wasn't there an old movie where they did something like that? People only lived until they were 30 and then you find out they were turned into "food." I think it was "Soylent Green"? Anyway, that's a great solution: people sandwiches. At least a Nobel Prize here and maybe a Bluebell Prize and maybe even a Church Bell.  ShawnXx: If we made sandwiches out of people would we still gain their strength or would sliced bread and condiments ruin it? Corwin: From what I understand, to gain their "strength" it is necessary to devour their still-beating heart (at least according to the Aztecs)... the rest of the flesh and organs can be made into lovely sliced meats and pates for the simpler purpose of merely alleviating peckishness. Or processed into Soylent Green, of course... which would have a longer shelf-life and would be better suited to solve the problem of world-hunger. And for a catchy ad campaign, we could have Charlton Heston shouting "It's made out of people!!!" And then there is also the delicacy of eating the people raw and frozen, cut into tiny slabs with a shard of glass... made popular by Chilean Rugby players in the 1970s... but as they had no access to sliced bread when they came up with the idea, this snack may have lacked the real satisfaction of an actual sandwich. (Edited by Corwin) DawnGurl: Since Charlton Heston is dead, we could use his very flesh to create a "Moses Snack" in honor of his previous elevation to Prophet Extraordinaire. This practice of creating sandwich snacks from corpses would inevitably change funeral procedures; I could envision the mourners arriving at the funeral home armed with loaves of bread and condiments, ready for a tasty sandwich snack. The attendees would be seated not upon rows of chairs but at decorously decorated and festive tables complete with place settings, etc.Perhaps we could even include the "Chilean Bread Sampler" which comes with slices of bread infused with shards of glass. Most importantly, as previously mentioned, this would alleviate world hunger and answer, once and for all, whether sandwiches really do alleviate hunger. (Edited by DawnGurl) Corwin: I've recently been delving into the wicked "bastard-science" of hamburgers and hotdogs. I feel I may be doing a disservice to the entire field of sandwich research... but it is barbeque season, after all. harlett anathema: very delightful thread Corvin....no i have nothing ta contribute...seeing this thread reminded me..... that our food genetists and scientists modified the seeds of wheat rice potatoes blah blah blah..so that the food fill a empty belly...with empty calories and empty nutrition a fact and living reality they are refusing too speak about and be honest with us about...haven't noticed a strange almost popping feel when you sink your teeth into a sandwich of any kind including peanut & jelly...or that everything has a odd no flavor to it flavor...after taste..that tastes the exact same no matter your eating...???? you think it's merely the weed killer modification they put our food plants through...i say  ..they have done worse then that....it aggravates me that i no longer can get away from that no flavor flavor and strange popping bite no matter what..it's in my chips corn or potato.. it's in the beef it's in the bread in the cookies... it's in the beef pork and chicken because those animals are being fed feed made from modified crops... (Edited by harlett anathema) Corwin: I LOVE genetically modified sandwiches.  I once crossbred a BLT with a Tunafish Melt... the first couple of tries led to the scientifically spawned sandwich offspring becoming sentient, growing forelimbs and trying to beat me to death with my own shoe... but the third time is always the charm. Not only was this genetically altered hybrid sandwich delicious, but after eating it I have since acquired strange super-powers... such as the ability to levitate, and to communicate telepathically with a side of bacon.  calybonos: Telepathically you say? Then it goes without saying, that we are not amused with playing second fiddle to an entree. DawnGurl: To Harlett: don't knock that popping sound! Ive trained several genetically modified slices of bologna and many slices of cheese to use those pops to create a most harmonious sound and make a sandwich which can belt out a variety of tunes. "Moonlight Becomes You" and "Alexander's Ragtime Band" are magnificient examples of musical foodstuffs. What exactly this contributes to sandwich research is unknown at this time, but Im sure some benefit will come of it. (Edited by DawnGurl) (Post deleted by Corwin ) (Post deleted by Corwin ) Corwin: Okay... enough of THAT noise. Special interest groups like P.E.T.A. and the ASPCA have no business hindering the further progress of Sandwich Science, and their interference will not be tolerated. ----------- !! THIS JUST IN !! Sandwiches in Outer Space Although many skeptics have long held the belief that sandwiches eaten by the Apollo astronauts during missions to the Moon were a hoax, newly released photographs clearly show Apollo astronaut Pete Conrad having what is clearly a sandwich tucked into a pocket of his spacesuit prior to liftoff. http://amyshirateitel.com/2013/05/15/sandwiches-in-space/ Once again, demonstrating the historical significance of this ongoing field of study, and how it leads the way to new Scientific horizons. | Science Chat Room 6 People Chatting Similar Conversations |
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