What is emotional cheating/infildelity? alexandria1st: My partner told me he had a female friend he used to chat to online before we met, but they never met & as time went on we became a couple,heard less of her, nearly 2.5years later I found out that he got back in touch with her last year, they reminised for 4 hrs including inappropriate chats & how he was unhappy being with me, I was deeply shocked when i saw what he had wrote about me as well as their sexual flirtings for each other. The chats continued, not only flirting but everyday chats, she even gave him contact number & her address .....I had used his phone last month and activated facebook unknown to me it opened his facebook instead, so....I checked his messages, (yes I know I shouldnt have snooped) & there it was then I was deeply shocked to see he had been in touch with her over a year....each time he kept telling her he was unhappy with me.......but at home he is adorable, loveable & we are a family & share a home....I was devastated what i had seen, so I confronted him, I asked him if he had ever flirted with anyone in our relationship & he said no, in the end I told him i had seen messages on his phone, he assured me "that nothing was going on" & that "they were just friends" I feel he had betrayed me, crossed the boundaries in our relationship, chatted to this woman behind my back, he made no attempt to make us as friends nor tell her i am not "just his girlfriend" but his partner & all along I thought he was happy with me, not according to what he wrote to her, but at home he is happy,.....he even told this woman that i have accused him of emotional cheating and she laughed,.....eventually i told him to send me a copy of the chat log if nothing was going on.....yes he sent me but later on I found out he deleted some of the messages....it all seems so surreal, but it hurts....  (Post deleted by deacon7771 )  Cherokee 26: No deacon.....she was guilty of emotional cheating or infidelity....she was just guilty of what she did..."snooping"....she had a reasonable suspicion to snoop to satisfy her own thoughts about what was going on around her. Nothing wrong with that. If he wouldnt have given her the suspicion to snoop im sure she wouldnt have. (Post deleted by deacon7771 ) alexandria1st: I admitted from the beginning it was wrong to have snooped, I went on my gut instinct...from doing that I discovered & surprised he had been receiving inappropriate & flirty messages as well as sending them to someone online... (Post deleted by deacon7771 )  jilly_laine54: Alexandria there is nothing wrong with following an instinct, there was something within your normally comfortable relationship that was out of place and you went looking to find what it was. Unfortunately what you discovered is heartbreaking. At this point the issue is what to do and how to go about that. If you want this relationship to continue then he has to be open and honest, if he cant do that to rebuild your trust then your options are fairly obvious.You now have the information to make rational decisions about what you should do and I hope they will be to your benefit and not his. You were so very correct when you commented that if this relationship was an open friendship he would have been willing to tell you about it and would have invited you to know her also. I wish you the best on this because the hurt goes deep and it is very difficult even when faced with the reality to walk away from someone you love. AllswellsScripto029: This sort of thing makes me upset, I think if you are with someone and all the while they put up a fake person who is miserable but acts happy, there is a reason that they don't head for the door. Instead they get someone to supplement for whatever unhappiness that they are going through but never think how it is affecting the other person they are with. If you have any respect or love for the person, just sit them down and tell them I would like to part ways or even tell them you are unhappy. Its going to be hard either way it goes but cheating just results in more pain, hurt and disrespect. Also sometimes the person cheating is not man or woman enough to be upfront or there just selfish and don't deserve who they have. Sometimes the person is a good man or women and the cheater just wants both to boost ego or confidence, etc Alexandria I don't think you were wrong for snooping because 9 times out of 10 If the feeling of something is going on rings in your head it's bound to be there and it was. You deserve better I been there. (Edited by AllswellsScripto029) alexandria1st: I feel stuck..I feel my life is upside down right now and need some sort of direction to get me out..my emotions are yo-yoing....I know I need to feel better about myself before I decide what to do....right now I feel defeated, weak & angry, I want to be angry at the woman who also should take responsible for screwing up a happy home as well as my partner... (Post deleted by jilly_laine54 ) alexandria1st: Betrayed is the first thing I felt & wrote about, (its in my first post at the top) damn it hurt, couldn't believe what was happening...I am slowly finding inner peace & learning to tell myself to stop with this pain... (Post deleted by deacon7771 ) (Post deleted by deacon7771 )  nmastri: Well, all of this emotional feeling, some just down right hurtful, and some not so much but still hurts. We ae made that way to feel like that really. It is not something just you experience it is universal, for the most part. There is a way to help, when you find yourself in such hurt. Really, there is. I will not go into details here but PM me or request friend status and I will explain more once you show interest in knowing how to handle such. nmastri: Remember if It Sounds like a Duck, and Looks like a Duck, and Waddles like a Duck, it's a DUCK. WTF duck  tigermp125: I HAVE NO GF SHE WAS DEPORTED TO COLUMBIA, WHEN WE USE TO BE INTAMATE I FANTASIZED ABOUT ALICIA KEYS AND TOLD MY GF. SHE SAID ITS OK I THOUGHT ABOUT OTHERS. NOT ALWAYS. I THINK ITS HEALTHY REPLY OK. |