to spank or not to spank? (Page 4)
Cody010306: This post is a lil late but I have a 4 year old and if he acts up I make him stand in the corner for 5 minutes then appologize
OptiMusPrime: Why is it that the child has to pay for their crimes they do?Its because Children today play a very well known song that many of our Parental previous generations have played ..Its called:Ill Do IT Myyyyyyyyy Waaaaaaaaaaay!,when a generation has no knowledge?,(Manners,Respect,Consideration,politeness etc etc )they perish! , when a generation has No Vision to follow?(self worthiness,realistic challenges,good goals,Role Models,Leaders etc etc ) ..They perish?,so then the last conclusion that is Given is the ways of the world,(young pregnancy,gang relationships,Alcohol,Drugs Illicit S@%,prostitution,Doubt,hatred.Comparisons,Unloved,rejected etc etc..)If the Old Saying is true? Bad Love Is Better than No Love At All...Then we Aint seen nothing yet! ,For the Worse is yet to Come..Keep reading the daily news paper every day for 10 years ..that will prove its point!A little yeast can make a whole lot of Dough...(if you know what that saying really means .....
NC2991: I've always followed the 3 strike rule. When the kids did something bad the first time, I would set them down and explain why what they did was wrong and what the consequences would be. The next time I would again explain what the problem was and then assign a punishment to fit the wrong doing. (My 11 yr old son once used the F word to me so I made him write out the definitions from 3 large dictionaries. He doesn't use the word any more!) The third step is a good spanking and either grounding or loss of something they like or something they like to do. The key for me is to always give myself time to cool down. I never discipline a kid when I am furious with them. This method works good for me and I came from a home where mom and dad used spanking as a cure all.
Rock8N8Rolla: "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24)
"Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)
misshome2: My husband and I tried to discuss how we would discipline prior to having children and now I laugh at the thoughts. You just never know until the moment happens, but in my case I did spank on the bottom only and not hard I also had the firm arm grab and somewhat drag out of inappropriate moments. My kids are now 11y and 8y and for the past few years I haven't had any physical contact with them all I need to do now is give the evil eye and behaviour changes. I've met some kids who were not spanked yet given time out and most of them don't get the picture ever!! My two cents worth just remember no matter what you decide now the child and their personality may change all that. Good Luck!
HarajukuBabyx: I believe kids need to be disciplined, but every child is different. My mom never hit me often, but she was firm with her words. What I don't agree on is hitting a child with a belt, that is abuse to me.
_Nicotina_: As adults, it is our duty to ensure the safety of every child.
We do not resolve our conflicts with others by hitting. We teach children that hitting is wrong. Having said that, I do not see how spanking aka hitting, makes any sense. With discipline most children thrive. That means being clear about the rules, sticking to them, assessing the situation and how to best teach a child. We all make mistakes in life, this is how we learn. I doubt most people would be OK with a supposed authority figure (police, teachers, boss) slapping their adult family member. Spanking sends a horrible message to children... "It's OK if I hit you."
Children deserve love, not violence. Spanking, no matter how you try to rationalize it, is still hitting and hitting is violence.
†Jack☠OfHearts†™: I was spanked...plenty haaha truth I think I deserved it, but some people go to the extreme and abuse their kids. If you decide to go with spanking just do it like my parents did, always in a calm manner and they always told me what I did wrong. And I love them for that still get some laughs out of it. I never spanked my son and I know I wouldn't cus he's not the type of kid I was, he's smart and I can reason with him even if he's 4 I can talk to him and he listens...even thou my outside wall had chalk and my bedroom had yellow hand prints on it, all I had to do was get a scrub and let him scrub it off with me and tell him what he did wrong...idk if the scrubbing was punishment cus he had fun doing it >_<
_Nicotina_: Better for the child to have to clean up after themselves. Even if he enjoyed it, he learnt a valuable lesson. Aren't parents supposed to offer the best learning environment for a child? There are so many ways to teach a child right from wrong without having to hit them. Violence is never a solution.
spanking = child abuse
It's assault to hit another adult. Surely children, our most valuable resource, deserve better.
†Jack☠OfHearts†™: my son is mellow and open but I see parents without any control over their kid's behaviour..how would you discipline rude kids Nicotina? I mean the ones who are spoilt by their parents
_Nicotina_: First, don't spoil them to begin with. Ground rules need to be set and followed diligently by both parents. Unruly children need structure in their life. I don't think it's a question of punishment but rather of expectations.
Having said that and knowing that no one is perfect, I prefer talking to the child on a level they understand, so they know what they did wrong. Taking away privileges or repeated time out is a much better option. Of course this takes time, effort and consistency from the child's guardian. Spanking is a quick fix that in the long run demeans children.
I think people need to ask themselves if it is OK for a person to hit an elderly person. The situation is much the same, as in that both the elderly and children are the most vulnerable in society.
FogofWar: My mother spanked me...and I'm glad she did.
Hell I remember the wooden spoon back then...and it sure as hell DID teach you to behave.
My parents taught me respect and discipline...this doesn't come from parenting without consequences. Society is becoming too soft; and it's causing more harm than good. Take a look at the typical teen attitude out there today...is that really what you want your kids to be like?
I never talked back to my parents like some of them do...I never called them the things I hear kids call their parents today...and why? Because my mother would have whooped my ass if I did.
Respectful and mannered kids come from homes that set boundaries and enforce rules; not from ones who talk....kids don't listen all the time.
_Nicotina_: "Respectful and mannered kids come from homes that set boundaries and enforce rules." You'll get no argument from me there Fog. Those are the foundation for a healthy family. A healthy family does not inflict physical pain on one another.
I love and respect my parents greatly. They taught me the value of human beings and kept very strict rules. Spanking is not warranted, ever. It is possible to set boundaries and enforce rules without hitting.
Spanking/hitting = child abuse.
Teece: I totally agree. Boundaries are all that is needed! From a very early age.
Lets face it, kids feel unsafe without them.
Spanking is illegal in NZ - came in last year. It is hard to enforce, but sends a great message
out to all parents that it is not ok to use physical abuse as a means of discipline.
There are so many other more effective ways to get your childrens's attention on what is ok and
not ok where behaviour is concerned...
zxy8: Any parent who hits(spanks) their child is a bad parent. They ahve to idea what damage can be done, not just physically but psychologically. Sure, ppl may think that its only a tap, well they have no idea and therefore a bad parent
†Jack☠OfHearts†™: *ehem* My parents spanked me and they are great parents and even better grandparent...yet I'm great, psychologically fine, mellow, respectable.. and grewup into half the man my dad was. This doesn't mean I support hitting children but the world is now different and we have to adjust to it. Kids in these times are supersmart and you can reason with them so you need to adjust the punishment to suit the child.
Teece: I totally agree Jack - I got a few good spankings (well deserved I might add) as a child and don't have any
issues at all about it - never have!
I remember smacking my childs hand when she was 13 months old as she was about to insert it into a fan - it was an immediate reaction without thinking as I was terrified. All she did was giggle. I think I knew in that
moment how she would react in future to smacking, so sought out punishments that did work. As it turned
out, all it took was for me to raise my voice an octave or so and look stern and that was all it took for her
to stop what she was doing.... I have always found that remembering to praise for all the good things is a really positive tool as well towards good behaviour.
These days (she is a teen now) it is a case of withdrawl of priveledges such as TV, computer and cellphone....
It seldom happens though as after the first time, the mere threat is enough to make her stop and take a look
at what she is doing....
canada1259: I strongly disagree with spanking. As a parent, you job is to model and teach these children behaviour. If you hit them everytime you dislike something they do, they are going to inherit those behaviours and think that if someone is doing something they don't like, they should hit them. That's not ok. Children as young as two and three can be reasoned with. I do it everyday. I am an assistant teacher in a junior kindergarten class. In my opinion, the power of words and reasoning are much stronger than any spanking. When a child misbehaves, you explain why you don't like it, and why it upsets you. You ask them why they are acting out, and oftem children are able to come up with answers (such as I am tired, or I am frustrated).
Young children don't posses the emotional regulation skills needed to control their emotions, and spanking them is punishing them for their lack of development. Rather, you should be taking these experiences and using them as an opprotunity to teach children how to handle their emotions and problem solve. These are life skills that children need that they won't learn through a spanking.
I think that spanking a child definately lets the children know that what they did was wrong... but do they understand why? I think that is more important.
mothertrucker30: There are a lot of different aproaches to disciplining. Get creative and come up with a list of different things you can do... try them and find out there effectiveness. I have 3 boys and I use different methods but i deffinitly see the best resaults with spanking. I always threatten first and that usually does the trick. Soap on the lips works good for bad language and talking back. Every child is different.... so every child responds differently to different punishments. They do need to understand the reason why what they are doing is wrong though. Explain cause and effect when it comes to dangers.
_Nicotina_: How can you justify hitting a human being that is not as physically strong as you are?
Even worse, a human being you profess to love (hopefully) and protect.
Most adults would not hit another adult they were entrusted to take care of.
How on earth you can justify hitting a child is something I do not understand and to be quiet honest, am damn glad that I do not understand either.
Children deserve better than physical abuse!
lostgirl245: i agree kids do deserve better than being hit on. i dont hit my kids, i take away there x-boxes or something. i have a child who has problems, i will not hit him or my daughter. theres otherways than hitting a child, you just have to find the right form of action, that works for you other than hitting.
mothertrucker30: Im glad that so many people are successful at disciplining their children without spanking.... Seriously hats off to you. However I would like to clairify something. Spanking is not abuse. I was spanked as a child and I was once a battered wife. Their is a difference between spanking and abuse. I was never emotionally damaged when my father spanked me, I knew I did wrong and I never questioned his love for me because of it. It was clearly a punishment for not doing right (nothing more). Now abuse is when a person loses control out of anger and hits someone. When you have experienced both, you know the difference. With that being said, abuse is WRONG and until it is clearly abuse I dont believe it is anyones business whether or not someone spanks their children (or not). After all, any other punishment could be concidered emmotional abuse if you think about it. So then what?