Raging against Death that @#$%%^

Hyenablood: How do you deal with the fact that you know a family member is going to die ? all the medical facts point to the evenual end of the person's life somewhere in the future. It tears apart family members who love them, and it doesn't make me feel any better. It may take months or mere weeks ( hope not ) but death will evenually claim her. How does a person not go mad and rage against the universe and all it's unfairness ?

Geoff: All you can do is cherish each and every moment you have left with them. Having recently lost a family member quite suddenly, I know that perhaps having had months, or even weeks of warning would have made the aftermath a little easier to handle.

Everyone dies. You can grind the entire universe down to dust and sift through it - you won't find a single molecule of "fairness". All you can ever do is your best.

Hyenablood: thank you geoff, my aunt is still ok, but she will be requiring homecare as her legs are swollen and she cannot move well at all. I pray for her not to suffer.

Snowy_: You don't go mad because you eventually come to realize death is a part of life and not always fair on who it chooses to take away. You try and cherish every moment you have left and keep your memories close to your heart.
My Mom took 2 years to die after she was told her illness wasn't curable. She was given 6 months.Having weeks of warning for me didn't help because you wait everyday for THE call. You can't keep it out of your mind. It can be so emotionally exhausting. My Dad died suddenly without warning and I myself found this easier to accept because it was just over Very sad that it was, but over.. No agonizing waiting period and I myself found this to be less emotional and exhausting.
Death isn't easy to accept. Talking to friends who have been through it helped me a lot.

Corwin: In a way, we're all dying from the moment we're born... some of us are just blessed with more time than others... and no one really knows when we'll take our last breath. It could be from illness, or by misadventure and happen unexpectedly.

Every day above ground is a good one... and each day is a gift.

Aura: Two year ago a friend came to Aruba to live out her last days. She had breast cancer ones, thought she beaten it, it came back, spread out and she decided to stop chemo and radiation because it was only making her feel like hell and didn't do anything to the tumors. It was hard at first but she decided to live each day to the fullest.
This was a woman who wielded her breast like weapons and her hair was her pride and joy, so having to see her without both was unsettling. But still she could flirt up a storm with the beach bums, and for a month we even went out to party every night. Maybe not the way we used to cause her energy was low, but it wasn't any less enjoyable.
Maybe if she spend more time in bed, she could have extended her time here. But she wouldn't hear of it. After a month she went back home, saying she had reached her end and not to feel too sad. She was gone about a week and a half when I got the phone call.
I never really had the time to get mad at the universe, we were too busy living. It really does help to celebrate each day.

Hyenablood: thank you all for your responses, it warms my heart. We only just got the news when she went to her doctor. She has suffered from depression her whole life and when she first got the breast cancer, the meds changed her personality, she became more hateful and agressive. Now with this latest news I hope that we have more time with her, and that she does not suffer.

Serabi:
Ditto to all the above!! The anger is a natural process. Just be calm and tell and show her that you are there for her.

This may sound crude, but rather wish for weeks! To go through a long illness before meeting the ferryman is no fun.

Serabi:

PS: You are in my thoughts!

Sarcastic Dots: Although my grandparents have died (bar my grandmother) I have usually been detached enough for it to emotionally bother me. However, I am dreading the day one of my closer family members dies as, traditionally, I've relied upon them to pull me through some tough situations.

Hyenablood: yes, it is very tough to hear my mom sobbing sometimes because she will lose her only sister in a bad way evenually.

ms bossypants: Death is a part of life. What you have to remember is, its your aunt that is dying, so its not about you its about her. I truly hope she (your aunt) passes quickly without too much suffering.

Hyenablood: yes death is a part of life, I have lost lots of family over the years ( mostly cousins sadly ) it just chills my blood to hear mom crying.
Anyways, as of this writing, my aunt is in the hospital, on friday the stupid doctor told her to stop taking her water retaining pills which help with her legs. well now one of her legs is bright red. At the hospital they figure it's eather the cancer or an infection, so they're giving her antbiotics treatment for 3 days.

ms bossypants: Poor thing...keep us posted.

Hyenablood: I will

Hyenablood: my aunt is out of the hospital now, her legs are better and hopefully her health will not take a nose dive again (we hope)

Aura: Good to hear. Hope she'll have more happy than bad days ahead.

SillySally8: best wishes for your aunt

and have to say.......great sharing up there^^^
Life is a gift forsure

Hyenablood: she even came over to the house today, the doctors are driving us all nuts because there are still things they have to check, they want to know what is going on with her liver

Serabi:

You are in my thoughts!!!

Hyenablood: thank you serabi, you warm my heart

Hyenablood: Feb 26, an update.
Just to let everyone know, my aunt is doing ok, not great but she is ok. Her legs which are swollen with water because her kidneys are not working properly. Well the skin cracked and she's leaking water now, the human skin can streach only so far. She is going to appointment's today to see a bunch of doctors about various stuff.
Other than her depression and gloom about wanting it all to end, she seems to be doing ok, we just celebrated her birthday yesterday !!! happy memories.

Serabi:

I'm glad you're keeping us up to date. I think of you often. Kidneys going is never a good sign but it may get better. Please just be supportive, by that I mean that you can support her in her 'dying process'. It sounds terrible but I do not know how to put it into words. I think you'll know what I mean.

Hyenablood: yes I do. I am hoping that everything about her 'dying' was exagerated and not true. People fight off cancer all the time and live for years or a year or two. She is in our home right now and she's talking, walking and stuff. Sure she can't lift her legs more than a few inches off the ground, but I am hopeful for the next few months.

Serabi:

Be strong!

Hyenablood: an update. Well I've been working odd hours as a security lately at a downtown hotel. But what I've been hearing about my aunt is that she uses a wheelchair sometimes, a cane other times. Because her legs are bad, she can't walk very good or far, thus the wheelchair, makes getting around easier. I don't know the result of any doctor visit cuz I've been working everyday lately. But my poor mom is hurting her back every time they meet because my aunt seems to put on the 'helpless' act and has to be pulled up and out of the wheelchair. How aunt gets by when she's in her home alone is anyone's guess. My aunt is a heavy person, so two people trying to get her out of a chair is no easy task. I almost want to suggest to mom to get in touch with a pro nurse or someone in the healthcare to learn how to lift someone out of a chair so she doesn't hurt herself. Pulling muscles in your back every few months isn't good for a older woman.