Joke for the Day. (Page 35)

Serabi
Serabi:

What does the dyslexic, atheist. insomniac do at night?



He wonders if there is a dog.
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Condimentit
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OCD_OCD
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curiouskitt
curiouskitt: hahaha
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jbananaz234
jbananaz234: Bahahaha!!!!! Love it!!!! Thanks sooooo much!!! Lol
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Serabi
Serabi:

Funny, it's ok to make jokes about Catholics, the Pope, Jews, the Irish, the Italians, Van Der Merwe the Polish etc etc, But its insensitive to make jokes about Muslims.
The sooner we are all on same level playing field the better.

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims:

1. If you refine heroin for a living,
But you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.

2. If you own a £3,000 machine gun and a £5,000 rocket launcher,
But you can't afford shoes,
You may be a Muslim.

3. If you have more wives than teeth,
You may be a Muslim.

4. If you wipe your ass with your bare hand
But consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.

5. If you think vests come in two styles:
Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6. If you can't think of anyone
You haven't declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.

7. If you consider television dangerous
But routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.

8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones
Have uses other than setting off roadside bombs,
You may be a Muslim.

9. If you have nothing against women
And think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.

10. If you find this offensive or racist,
You may be a Muslim.
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davidk14
davidk14: .

wow

.
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davidk14
davidk14: .

The following is no joke but somewhat relevant to Serabi's last post....


234 girls are still missing from the Nigerian school attacked last week by Islamic extremists, significantly more than the 85 reported by education officials, parents told the state governor.


The kidnappings are believed to have been carried out by Nigeria's Islamic extremist rebels, known as Boko Haram. Boko Haram -- the nickname means "Western education is sinful" -- is violently campaigning to establish an Islamic Shariah state in Nigeria, whose 170 million people are about half Muslim and half Christian.

Boko Haram has been abducting some girls and young women in attacks on schools, villages and towns but last week's mass kidnapping is unprecedented. The extremists use the young women as porters, cooks and sex slaves, according to Nigerian officials.

.
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Serabi
Serabi:

So sad!!!!!!!
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Serabi
Serabi:

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

Then the farmer leaves for the fields.

After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently. Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'

She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder,
'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'


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Serabi
Serabi:

Yup!!!

Black Empowerment Explained...

Three contractors - one from Soweto , another from Pretoria , and the third from Benoni, are bidding to fix a broken fence at the Union Buildings in Pretoria ...

They go with a Union Buildings official to examine the fence...

The Pretoria contractor takes out a tape measure, does some measuring, and then works some figures with a pencil. 'Well,' he says, 'I figure the job will run about R900. R400 for materials, R400 for my crew, and R100 profit for me.'

The Benoni contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for R700: R300 for materials, R300 for my crew, and R100 profit for me.'

The Soweto contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Union Buildings official and whispers, 'R2,700.00'

The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Soweto contractor whispers back, 'R1000 for me, R1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Benoni to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies the government official.

And that folks, is how it all works in S.A. these days!

So sad!!!
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Serabi
Serabi:

A South African farmer was drinking in a London bar when his cellphone rang. He hung up grinning from ear to ear and ordered a round for the whole bar, announcing that his wife just gave birth to a 12kg baby boy.

Nobody could believe the weight but the South African just shrugged and said, 'We make 'em big back home, folks. My boy's typically South African'.

Congrats were showered on him and many exclamations of 'WOW' were heard. One woman even fainted.

Two weeks later the South African returned to the same bar. Barman asked, 'We were going to call you, everyone's been making bets as to how much your 12kg son weighs now, so how much does he weigh now?'

The proud father answered that he now weighed 9kg. The barman was puzzled and concerned and asked 'What happened, he already weighed 12kg on the day he was born'.

The South African father took a slow swig from his long neck Castle beer, wiped his lips on his khaki shirt, leaned over and said: 'Had him circumcised, bro'.

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harlett anathema
harlett anathema: eeeee.....
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Geoff
Geoff: A man is pulled over by a policeman.

"Would I get into trouble for calling you something offensive?" Asks the man.

The policeman looks at him and says, "Yes. You would."

"Hmm." The man says thoughtfully. "Would I get into trouble for thinking something?"

"Of course not." Replies the policeman.

"Ah, in that case." The man says, "I think you're a complete cunt."
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OCD_OCD
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Serabi
Serabi:

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too, "says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him. "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck,
I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.

"That's right," Replies the barman.

"The circus?" The duck asks again. With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ... . .......


"What the f*#k would they want with a plasterer??!"
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OCD_OCD
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Serabi
Serabi:

A few years ago, the terrorist organization Hamas, decided to send a gift to the Prime minister of Israel . They sent him an elaborate box with a note.

The Prime minister opened the box and saw that the content was feces ( shit, merde).
He opened the note which said “ For you and the proud people of Israel”.
Since the President of Israel, Mr Shimon Peres, is a wise and experienced person he decided to reciprocate and he sent to Hamas a very nice parcel and a note.

The leaders of Hamas were very surprised to receive the parcel and opened it very carefully suspecting that it might contain a bomb. After opening they discovered that it contained a small “chip” that was rechargeable by solar energy with 1800 Terabyte memory and a 3D hologram display capable of functioning in any type of cellular phone or Tablet or laptop. In other words the most advanced technological invention and development made in Israel.

The Hamas leaders were very impressed and read the note which said
“ Every leader gives the best his people can produce “


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OCD_OCD
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harlett anathema
harlett anathema: ..ahaha..
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Serabi
Serabi:
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across his lips and slyly popping a finger into his mouth.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender, flustered, managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies' room."
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OCD_OCD
OCD_OCD: Bwaaaahahaha! Ewwwwww!
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Mz Demeanor
Mz Demeanor: Ewwww!!!!
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jbananaz234
jbananaz234: Ohhhh gawd i loooove that! Bahahahaha...the only way to impress on a man how important soap and towels are....
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Mz Demeanor
Mz Demeanor: What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A seatbelt
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