Dull Jokes (part two)... continued from (part one)... :) (Page 5) harlett: IDIOT AND FOOL JOKES Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat. "How we gonna get the water out?" asked Mayne. "Easy," said Willard. "We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out." The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed Mayne. "We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!" Ms Aryaa: one very dull joke.. A Lion and Lioness were resting under a tree. Suddenly, a kangaroo passed by very swiftly. Lioness: What was that? Lion: Honey, it was Fast Food. PureSilver67: Paddy returns home only to hear frantic noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs and finds his wife on the bed in what appears to be a great deal of distress. He picks up the bedside phone and is about to phone the hospital when his son shouts: "Dad, there's a naked man in the wardrobe." Paddy opens the wardrobe and lo and behold, it's his best friend Patrick. "I don't believe it Patrick, how could you!" Exclaims Paddy, "Mary's busy dying of a heart attack and you're playing games with the kids!"  Stewart75: It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar coin sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you." "So I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck the prick, give him a dollar… though breakfast was my idea." Stewart75: Q: What's white, jelly like and runs down a public toilet wall? A: George Michael's latest release! Q: Why was George Michael's automobile insurance canceled? A: He was rear-ended too many times. Stewart75: Q: How do you know you’re playing a tennis match with Charlie Sheen? A: Your opponent tries to snort the service line! harlett: death and Dying Jokes: Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after." Stewart75: Q: How did Charlie Sheen pass his court ordered drug test? A: They couldn't find any urine in his coke! Stewart75: Q: How can you tell if you've got a letter from a leper? A: There's a tongue stuck to the envelope. Q: Why did the hooker leave the leper colony? A: Business was dropping off. Q: How many lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two... one to screw it in, and the other to give him a hand. harlett: The Mental Patient Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped in the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he decided to discharge her from the hospital, as he now considered her obviously mentally stable. When he went to tell her he said "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is I'm discharging you, because you were able to jump in the pool and save the life of another patient, which indicates that you've regained your sanity. The bad news is, Jim the patient you saved hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I'm so sorry, but he's dead!. Mary replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry"... DiIIy: ATHEIST IN THE WOODS An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look .... . . and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could along the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him .... He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... and then ..... He tripped and fell. Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the bear was right on top of him ......... reaching towards him with its left paw ...... and raising the right paw to strike ... At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!' Time Stopped ... The bear froze ...... The forest was silent .... A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky .... "You deny my existence for all these years, you teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident ........ Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?" "Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light ..... "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now ... but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" ... a pause ... "Very well," said the voice ... The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed .... the bear dropped his right arm ... brought both paws together ... bowed his head & spoke. "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive. Amen." Its an oldie but a goodie |
Off Topic Chat Room
Similar Conversations |
