What's wrong with me???

calypso84: I've been in a relationship with a guy who's suffering for maniac depression. We've been together for a year. At the beginning everything was just perfect. I was everything to him etc. But after some time the phase of depression came back. I'm not going to describe how it looked like in details but what I want to say is that this relation cos me a lot of nerves & constant thinking about him. At some moment I totally sacrifised to him forgetting about my own good. There was too much manpulation & emotional blackmail from his side that was killing what I felt to him. Guess we've been both addicted to each other-at least that's how it looked for people standing aside. He was refusing the treatment explaining that only depression is the problem (and only then he was taking pills & going for therapy) and the mania period is totally normal and that's how he wants to feel. After he sabotaged his own death (!!!!) just to check how much I care about him,I said "enough"! I broke up with him 2 weeks ago & feel terrible. Since that time I have a constant headache,really low mood especially when I'm alone, I cry too much. I still love him but there's too much pain in me & I can't be with him. He has to understand he needs a therapy and I hope that this kick in the ass he received from me by breaking up will help him...But I still don't know what is wrong with me? I feel like I'm going down and it doesn't matter whether I'm with him or not Sometimes I've got an impression I've been washed out of emotions,just vegetating...Am I falling into depression?

TheSaviourMachine: Itis brave of you to share these personal feelings. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. you can not be responsible for an other person's life and feelings. It sounds like he had this "depression" before you had met, so it has nothing to do with you. More over, it is not your responsibility to fix it. Specially if it negatively affects your own life. You have to move on, and let him deal with his own demons.
As I had mentioned before, you are attractive and young with a great personality. You should be sitting next to a good looking Polish guy in a car driving around in Europe and having a blast. Not worrying about a guy who doesn't seem to want to help himself.

BillyTheBadger: Why a Polish guy?

But seriously, yeah, he's right. It's difficult, but some stuff in life is just difficult. But you gotta let it go. He's the only one who can help him and you are the only one who can help you and that's what you should do. Think about yourself and have fun.

nurse_kaz: look its a normal thing be feeling low after u have broken up with someone. its when this low mood affects everything you do ie u cant get up in the morning, you dont want to go to work, your not looking after yourself enough. when you spend alot of time with someone then they are gone, you're left with alot of time to yourself and your not sure what to do with it. i know its easy for me to say but im telling you i have gone thru this before and what i went thru was similar in the emotional blackmail and that... it was the best thing i did. i realised i couldnt take much more, it does take time but you need to give urself time to grieve over it.

calypso84: Saviour & Tony-thank you for what you both said Nurse-good there's someone with similar experience who can understand this one big sh**! Thanx
I know it's time that can heal the pain & I'm patiently waiting for it to be gone. I just can't understand how could I get involved into this? Where was my head then? I have to deal with everything now. I'm waiting for the sun to come & shine above me

suphomie: be strong girl. find the right guy who will love you for who you are. you are special to me.

authorj: 1. He was refusing the treatment.
2. only depression is the problem
3. Emotional blackmail and manipulation
4. After he sabotaged his own death (!!!!) just to check how much I care about him,I said "enough"!
5. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago & feel terrible.

Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with YOU. I know you have feelings for him or else you wouldn't be crying so much. But you need to let go of this insecure guy and work on someone who is stable and can give you just what you deserve, and that is a happy, wonderful relationship. I know what depression is and can do to some people. What he is doing to you is pure control. He wants to be the boss and you are to feel sorry for him 24/7. Write this guy off and when you are least expect it, you will find a man who will treat you like you should be treated. You are an absolute sweetheart who will have no problem finding a decent man. Keep me posted (in IM if you want) and let me know how you are doing.

Nik87: Is it like "I hate you,Dont leave me?"
Manic depression is now termed as Bipolar Mood Disorder and it can be controlled very effectively with newer drugs with very few side effects in majority of cases.And most of the bipolar persons refuse treatment in manic state so he is no diff.
Fear of rejection and abandonment,dependency,mood swings,chronic boredom if also present with you it indicate a diff. condition.

Jammy333: nthing

spankdmonkey: Hi Calypso i will go the other way then what everyone else is saying to you .Yes you are depressed .No doubt in my mind about that .This post is about you not your boyfriend ,you made a decicsion because the pain of the relationship was hurting you because of manipulation ,emotional blackmail .etc etc .

So you done the right thing i believe .The problem is you are now depressed and hurt because you miss him as you loved him ,When we humans lose someone we love there is always a sense of loss, and grief,pain. ,It hurts and that is what is happening to you now .So yes you are hurting and that is a sign of emotional depression .What you have to do is accept that you made the right choice in the first place because you deserve better ,

The quicker you accept it the quicker you get over it .Be as positive as you can and everytime he enters your mind push it away immediately and say to yourself no dont want to even think about it ,and start thinking about the beach ,or something else or keep busy to take your mind of it

.It then becomes easier to push it away and you then start moving on with your life feeling better about yourself .go out with some good friends from your past with no connection to him as you dont want to remind yourself .Have fun realise there is a life to live .As for him maybe he will do something about it if he does well that is great ,

but if you ask my opinion he doesnt sound like a manic depressive more like a control freak .Thats just my personal opinion

romanticengineer: @calypso84
dear caly
please don' be so much sad like this.
everything will happen good so please try to make u happy.
because if you will be sad then it will affect ur health.
and you know when time will g then everything will become normal.
so it's my request t you don't think negative for urself and don't be sad plzzzzz.
and it's not depression.it happens when you miss to someone spcl.

sebtheanimal: Tell him to grow some balls, if he cared for you none of this trauma would have arisen.

MegglePaws: Your ex is no longer your problem. Simple. Now let's get to to the reality of it. You are going to worry about him, you will miss him, you will think about him. He was an addiction and he needs to be treated as such. I know in the dark hours you will want to go back to him. You are worth a healthy relationship. I'm not going to make a judgement call on whether your ex has manic depression or not. I will however say this. Manic depression makes you feel like you are living with two people or one with two personalities. Anyone who has a mental illness sees the world, themselves and the world around them in a different way. They see through very different eyes. Your ex is misrepresenting the nature of his condition and his progress etc and whether it is to his benefit and deliberate or without intent is not relevant. What is however, is that it is to YOUR DETRIMENT. We can't help who we love. However, you can protect yourself and you have an obligation to do that.

Try to divert yourself when you are feeling down and low, make sure you maintain routines and habits like showering, eating at regular times. Even if you don't want to, keep the patterns going. See a doctor about the repression. You may need medication to help see you through. Don't start unhealthy habits such as drinking or other illicit substances to see you through. Sure,they take the pain away, but then you need more and more of it.

I say this from the perspective of someone who has an addictive personality.

There is no instant cure. It takes time and in that time, you need to take up new hobbies, drive a different way home from work/uni/friends houses. Change THOSE routines, don't go to the places he goes. Don't shop where he shops... It's the advice addicts are given.

Best of luck and if you want to talk/vent further, please do.



Paws

wawa..: hi Caly dear...i felt compelled to write to you in response to your post. im sorry your relationship didnt come out like you want it to be. i will pray you will gain the strength to love someone again in the future.

i think after what you are going through with your ex, you have become emotionally drained and tired. right now, you are going through some healing phase and reboot your emotional system. since you loved him and been done a lot of sacrificing for him, this phase must not have been very easy for you. give yourself some time and surround yourself with your family and good friends. if you feel like talking to someone professional, you could always get some help from therapist. its okay to talk to them and have them guiding you to sort things out. take good care of yourself okay dear?

calypso84: Thank you all so much for your care I really appreciate that....but I wish it was so easy. I was dealing with all those feelings after breaking up with him somehow but it wasn't a good time. And...he sent me a message. We started talking & he said he found help (therapist),he's sorry for what heppened,wants to see me to make it up as friends at the start if I want to. In other words,he's asking for a second chance,right? I might be stupid but I agreed. Well not for everything yet ofc. I told him we can start talking as for now & what happens later on,we will see. I need to see that change. I'm confused now but somehow I feel better with a thought that I "have" him somehow than with no contact at all

memberX: strange to act your own death, just to get rid of someone...so strange...

calypso84: It was not to get rid of someone. First learn what bipolar is,then make opinions.

memberX: oh come on charming, admit that he dumped you first...its not so bad...dont you worry we will find some one for you here...wink x3

calypso84: Haha guess this is what you would like to read,huh? Well no!

memberX: hey hey its not so bad...you have good potential for super seductrice...you can make it with any one here...

calypso84: You don't understand a thing of what I wrote,do you?

memberX: yes i do...so what?
turn to the future, forget the past...better for you...

kisssssssssssss

MegglePaws: He's said he found help etc, that's good but his therapist will advise him to get a little space between him and you and tell him to work on himself before re-entering a relationship with you or anyone else.ultimately the decision is yours, but it is very early days yet. I do feel for you.

romanticengineer: @calypso
dear your are right that you "have" him somehow than with no contact at all.
because when someone loves seriously to anybody then it's not easy to forget him/her so easily.