RULES OF MARRIAGE... uglycow10: Once you get married....should both spouses be forced to cut loose friends of the opposite sex? uglycow10: In the world of women, that sort of logic does not fly. I think that both women & men are territorial with their mates...and you can't really blame them. I din't know if I woud want my man up up under another woman....I suppose that youhave ti have a lot of trust...  Iowagent58: Certainly not. If you're secure in your spouse's love, you should feel no threat from friendships.  Eeelizabeth: My boyfriend slept with all of his female friends.... so if he wants to be with me he cannot be friends with girls he has slept with. The end. uglycow10: Not being a man, I don't completely understand how they think....but there are many honourable men out there.... From a woman's perspective, we tend to view all other women as threats (even if we are secure in our spouse's love)....just a female thing, I suppose). I would also tend to agree with Eelizabeth that the discomfort level would be that much higher with a man with whom my spouse had slept. That having been said, I don't think that it would be fair of me to ask him to drop his female friends, since I would not appreciate his asking me to drop mine.....but I would keep an eye on the body language whenever he is around them.  allison_tameka: Well he doesn't have to drop all his female friends, it all boils down to how close him and his friends are. Sometimes your husband is even on the right path and as soon as that friend say a particular thing to him he his mind starts to wonder. So even though you trust him you don't trust the women around him. uglycow10: I totally agree with that Allison. I always say that it is ot up to the other woman to keep your spouse moral ...and on the right track, because she is n0t the one who is married. Sometimes men will use their female friends as sounding boards when there are marital problems....and it can draw them closer. ....but in spite of al of that i could not agree that anyone should demand that another drop his friends whom he has had....even before getting married. i would opt to address problems as they arise.. It is a difficult call. In the end, as Lowagen (above) says...."you have to be secure in your spouse's love...... somewherepurple: I wish my wife had more guy friends. And a few lovers. :-) That would be hot. (Edited by somewherepurple) Iowagent58: I do understand your point, uglycow (a nickname which doesn't even remotely fit you). l was never beyond feeling a sense of threat when my ex socialized with someone she had a sexual history with. But Silly Sally is right on. It is not my place to tell my spouse it whom she may or may not socialize. It IS however, my place to let her know how I feel about it.  Dan_Long: Whatever the rules are in the relationship, they should be clearly stated. Once your married, it's time to stop beating around the bush and have a serious talk about what is and is not ok. Furthermore, if you choose to tell him that he is not allowed to see his friends for whatever reason, whether that be: gender, history, you just don't like them, etc then you had better be ready to drop YOUR friends for whatever reason he gives. For instance, if you tell him he cant hang out with his female friends so he tells you that he doesn't want you hanging out with your unmarried friends then you had better not say "But thats DIFFERENT!" unless you want him to just continue seeing his friends behind your back. You should also recognize that YOUR feeling insecure is not HIS fault, nor should you make it his problem. Whether or not "[all women] tend to view all other women as threats" is true (I very much disagree) it is not your mans fault. Perhaps he would be willing to tolerate this; i certainly wouldn't. That's ok though because you and I aren't married. Recognize that the more varied your requirements for your spouse are, the fewer (good) men that are available. Dan_Long: Also, keep this in mind: the only types of men I know of who would agree to get rid of his friends for his girl because she is jealous of them are: 1) Total. Fucking. Pussies. Which women generally don't want or 2) Lying, which you probably also don't want. uglycow10: I think that it is insulting to have to "tell" a grown person that contact with friends of the opposite sex is no longer allowed....especially if there is no special reason for issuing that edict.. I would have no reason to demand that my bf drop his female friends, unless he gave me good reason to do so.Hints like body language; over-familiarity etc would be factors that I would take into consideration. I would be suspicious if my guy does not want me to meet/know his female friends;wants to go out alone with females with whom I am not acquainted, etc. Most of all, people should always ask themselves this: "how would I feel if the same demands were put to me"?????? I dare say that I agree with Dan (above)....most partners would say that it's not the same & that it does not relate to them....  calybonos: I think compromise is important in a relationship, honoring her wishes by meeting somewhere in the middle would be fair. And as much as I would pain me to hurt their feelings, because they need love too... I would cut loose the fat and ugly female friends from my herd of Hoes. calybonos: Well, it goes without saying that they would have to work harder to take up the slack, but then, all relationships involve a bit of sacrifice. uglycow10: well Caly.....you are quite a character., but I know that in your heart of hearts that you don't mean what you say! You are right about one thing...all relationships require sacrifice & compromise. Most of all, we need to start thinking of the content of a person's character before we deciding to hop into a relationship. Beauty will always fade, but characteristics like honour, sincerity, kindness...& the ability to compromise will never fade...if that is what your mate is truly like.. If a person possesses all of those outstanding but simple qualities, they will make great mates.If they are beautiful as well...that's just a bonus! Take it from an ole broad !  Beautiful_Rose_: Rules are the same when dating someone no cheating or lieing or using or playing one another,Also no sleeping with your spouses brothers or sisters or any family or friends least rules I have seen with my friends but I don't know that many caused never been married before!:/ Dan_Long: Why do there have to be set "rules"? What makes you feel that each couple cant decide for themselves what their own rules are? There are swinger couples out there who clearly don't conform to your "rules" but despite that (some would say because of that) they are very successful couples. uglycow10: ...the rules are simply...unwritten rules. No one gets into a relationship wanting to be cheated on. They assume that their partner will be faithful, and some couples actually do not lay down all sorts of rules. However, there are individuals who have been cheated on and they prefer to take precautionary measures such as demanding that their partner drop all former friends of the opposite sex. The question is: is that really a fair and reasonable request/demand??? In my eyes, it is a display of distrust...but some partners actually comply with the request...or are forced to comply with it. By the way, swingers also have their unwritten rules Without rules, there is anarchy...whether in actual life or in situations of love. However, for some reason, a lot of people cannot deal with the pre-existing closeness and camaraderie between their partners and their longtime friends of the other sex..... Beautiful_Rose_: But I'm not like that but cheating stuff and lieing as using is ones my rules but rest isn't I'm just saying that is how my brother ex is,If I was like that I don't think my man would be marring me if I was like that lol | Dating Chat Room 1 Person Chatting Similar Conversations |
