interracial dating, marriage

shkovamarymary
shkovamarymary: whats ur take on this, does it work out right? or is it a waste if time??
9 years ago Report
3
Aura
Aura: I think interracial doesn't give any problems at all. It's intercultural that can create friction. It just happens to be that it is very likely that people of different race are also raised with different cultures. If it works all depends on how much they both are willing to understand and respect the other's culture
9 years ago Report
8
elednuw
elednuw: Yes I wuld be interested in meeting a thin,petite,cute,sweet Chinese lady.
9 years ago Report
1
toddflowers
toddflowers: Yes please...
9 years ago Report
1
bainyu
bainyu: I think interracial is harder for people who have not grown up in the same continent. Different native languages, cultures, religions, long distance.. things like that make it hard

If they were born in the same country but are different races it is easier. You dont have a language barrier and you have similar cultures even though they may do certain things different.

If the person is amazing in every way then the racial differences is something you should work through. If they are worth it then fight for it.
9 years ago Report
5
sandra4001
sandra4001: I have been involved in interacial relationships for a long time and have two children, the only problem I have found is with guys of my own race. Otherwise they are great although not for everyone.
8 years ago Report
3
jooly40
jooly40: These days interracial connects are more accepted than when I was young. I dated an amazing black girl in college, but that was in the early '70s. We got so much flack from our parents, peers, and others of our races, that we finally gave up. I've never been happier with anyone I've dated, since. I doubt if we'd have the same difficulty today. Later, I dated a Korean girl; no one thought anything of that!
7 years ago Report
2
uglycow10
uglycow10: Almost 100% of my coworkers and friends are white & I live in a white neighborhood. Therefore, it stands to reason that most of the men who I dated, were white. The brothers steered clear of me because they thought that I would shoot down their request for a date.

Naturally the reaction of black people was an unfavorable one. However, I say this to you....it is my life and I kept the company of people who were in sync with how I thought, & who enjoyed the activities that we had in common. Once I was content with my date, I really did not care who was displeased about it...and therein lies the rub.
Everyone has choice and one should not care about the opinions of others.

Whose life is it anyway????

I have no say in who anyone else chooses to date and neither should they have a say in whom I happen to date. In my opinion, people are nice or horrid. I opted to date the former...and the person's color was of no consequence at all.

We really need to disband all of the labelling that we do. People are people, good bad or indifferent, and color should never be an issue!

ps...I have always hated that word, "interracial". I find it to be particularly divisive and polarizing !!!!!! I don't like being thrown into any categories.....
7 years ago Report
5
jooly40
jooly40: Interracial is just a word and not meant to be derogatory. I certainly don't mean it that way.

I'm sure you're a lot younger than I am and you probably didn't live in the deep South,back then. Unless you lived under that kind of segregation, where severe prejudices were the norm and there were lines that no one crossed, you can't know what it was like. There were repercussions that one might, or more likely WOULD, face........let's just say, it would have nott been pleasant, or healthy for us!

Even though my GF was from New Hampshire, she had her share of racial taboos to deal with, in the '50s, '60s and even in the early '70s, too.

In addition, her college funding was tied to her parents's support and, if she'd gone against their wishes, they would have surely cut her education money off.(She had me listen in on her father's diatribe and demands, that she stop seeing me, on another phone.)

I was in a similar situation, although I was older and going to school under the GI Bill, I was in partnership with my father, a position I'd worked hard and sacrificed for. And, if the business was dissolved, I could have lost everything.

Now, I lament us succumbing to our parents demands, but, at the time, we were under the weight of the world! She and I both were raised to be subservient to our parents and do their bidding, no matter what. I finally did break away and moved on with my life, but by that time she was married and had a baby (to a guy who was her parents' choice! )

You know what they say about hind-sight!

Sorry I even brought this up......... it's still painful 40+ years later!
7 years ago Report
0
Idonthaveausername
Idonthaveausername: I think interracial/intercultural dating is fine. You might have parents, strangers or friends giving back lash but as long as you both love each other that is what should matter. Interracial/interracial couples must have the courage to fight against the odds. It can be tough if people are giving you a hard time but it can work. You both just have to try and make it work.
7 years ago Report
4
Idonthaveausername
Idonthaveausername: What pisses me off is how strangers you don't know have something to say. REALLY???? What does that person's relationship have anything to do with you? Nothing. OK I'm done.
7 years ago Report
5
uglycow10
uglycow10: To:Idont...
I agree with you 100% ! i think that it is normal to take notice of a black/white couple, but to make rude comments...not acceptable.
Whose life is it anyway? I don't want to live anyone else's life and they need to butt out of mine.
Everyone has a choice as to who they opt to date, and if it is a person of another race, then so be it....
7 years ago Report
4
uglycow10
uglycow10: To Jooly40:
When I honed in on the word 'interracial", it was not that I was offended by your using it, but rather that such words are so unnecessary.We are all human beings. Why break ir down beyond that?????
And by the way, I am not that thin-skinned!

I do agree with you that back in the day we all succumbed to the demands of our parents...because that is how it was! We simply obeyed!
However, with age comes wisdom, and if you had that wisdom at that young age, you would have taken a chance on love, instead of listening to your parents.

Nonetheless, things always work out the way they are supposed to.

Hopefully you have found love in your life, even if it is not your first choice...
7 years ago Report
3
Idonthaveausername
Idonthaveausername: Yeah. I don't care who I fall in love with, black white asain middle eastern whoever. As long as we care for each other and there's chemistry. There's some sexy ass men in all races/ ethnicities in my opinion NOM NOM NOM!!!
7 years ago Report
1
uglycow10
uglycow10: Good for you.
We really need to get off of this racial kick. I have enough trouble keeping track of all the troubles in my life, to the point where I don't care what anyone else does in theirs.
So my question is...who are these people, and don't they have worries in their lives? Where do they get time to worry about other people's personal business?????
P
7 years ago Report
2
jooly40
jooly40: Oh yeah, how many times have I said, "I wish I knew then, what I know now! I would have done many things differently. My mother put the fear of God in me and she was His representative on earth...as far as she was concerned! It took a long time me to break away, but by then, the opportunities I had in my youth were gone.

Some of us learn too slowly. I thought I would find another love to equal, or even exceed, the one I had in college. Even though I moved on and have had a pretty good life, I think it would have been better with that sweet lady, way back when!

Thanks for you thoughtful comments.
7 years ago Report
1
uglycow10
uglycow10: I am quite the sentimental and curious type and would have wanted to know ow her life turned out. Have you ever wanted to know?
My mother always uesd to say that things always turn out for the best...and I have always opted to believe that.
Because of how children seem to step into grown up roles at a much earlier age these days, they find it difficult to fathom the fact that we, in our late teens and twenties , back in the day, always obeyed our parents.
What a different world in which we now live!
7 years ago Report
0
jooly40
jooly40: Yes,UC, I wanted to know...and I did get a note from her.

I got a Christmas card from her, two years after I graduated. She had married a guy her parents chose for her, she said he was good to her and they had a nice home. (No comment about love, or passion) She had a good job, but it wasn't what she went to school for..I forgot what it was. She said she often thought of when we were together, with nostalgia and regret that we didn't have more time. She asked me not to contact her, though, because it would only complicate her life. I never did write her, but I know I missed out on something special.

I'm not sure your mother was 100% right, though.

I do wish my parents hadn't had such a hold on my life......................I should have been stronger.

Hindsight's something that reminds you of your mistakes, over and over and over and over!
7 years ago Report
1
uglycow10
uglycow10: I am glad to hear that you contacted her.

The same was done to me!
I had met a French sailor who was passionately in love with me. We met in out teens and I would receive 4 to 5 beautiful letter every week (in French). He, however, was sailing the world and did not get to visit NY often. Someone came along in the interim and in spite of all of my protestations about not wanting to get married....I wound up with the new guy because my mom intervened.

I cannot tell you how many times she apologized for being responsible for pushing me into an unhappy marriage...and I never let her off the hook!

About 20 years later, as a divorcee, I received a letter from him and it was beautiful!
He was married with 2 kids, but out resumed correspondence had to come to an abrupt end because his wife found out that we were corresponding...thus putting the whammy on it....and I understood.

As my own children got older, I made a conscious choice to not give my opinions about their relationships...unless specifically asked. I refused to take the route that my mom did.
If they choose the wrong mate, it is on them. I don't want any fingers pointing at me
It's their life to live...not mine. It's their decisions to make...not mine
7 years ago Report
1
Idonthaveausername
Idonthaveausername: Your guys' stories make me sad.
(Edited by Idonthaveausername)
7 years ago Report
0
jooly40
jooly40: UC, I think maybe we had the same mother!

IDONTHAVEAUSERNAME: Don't be sad! Life hands us all kinds of trials. Some of us have less than others and some deal with adversities better than I have. Guess I'm a slow learner!

But, I can easily think of the wonderful times we shared, too. Looking at the happy times, I think they've more than out-weighed the sad ones! Each relationship has been a little gem, that I can take the best from. I will say, some of the brief moments in my life have left a deeper understanding and provided more of what life is worth living for, than some long-term ones!

I try not to think too deeply of the things that separated us, but dwell on the happiness and love that I enjoyed. Yes, parting was sad, but hanging onto the saddest parts would put a dark shadow over the wonder and pleasure we had.

I've been so lucky in my life to have experienced true love and many of the pleasures that those times allowed. I may have not been able to hang onto some of them, but I have some of the most sublime memories one could imagine!

7 years ago Report
1
classylady61
classylady61: If two people fall in love color doesn't matter. I would just want my kids happy. There are still some people that has problems with it. Those are grandchildren of slavemasters that been taught by their racist parents & grandparents that color matter. Most young people today get along with all races.
7 years ago Report
1
jooly40
jooly40: I was taught to hate, distrust, and be prejudiced against anyone not like us. But, even though I was raised in that environment, it never seemed right to me.

Then, an old man told me, one time..."Never condemn anyone for their race, religion, or the sins of their fathers, but consider each person for their character, heart, and for their aspirations."

That's been pretty good advice and it has served me well.
7 years ago Report
2
uglycow10
uglycow10: Pretty darn, sage words of advice..

In the end, all that matters is how the other person makes you feel...and vice versa.
Once those feelings kick in, nothing else matters....no one matters
7 years ago Report
1
Idonthaveausername
(Post deleted by Idonthaveausername 6 years ago)
lewisp243
(Post deleted by staff 2 months ago)
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