XT's poetry

Dark Icy and Emptiness
is what I saw in his Eyes
Silence is his Language
he doesnt Paint himself with Lies
Calm and Detemind
as he Strides
yet his Words and Voice
are as strong as the Tides
he like Nobody else and
Strangely enough
fools Everybody else
when he passes by
I'm Plagued by hesitation
but in Truth this is just an
Infatuation

to love a lie requires commitment
to love the truth needs little attention because its alway there

misery loves company. so sad today.
i want to scream so
badly, my life sucks i cant do anythig about it
...too f@~xy~y weak and cowardly.
the only way i could do things is to
torture myself until i give in...force myself to smile
lie to myself constantly
laughing out of self torture, wishing to cry
and run....just run to nowhere.
i try to look into my own but grown deaf to my own inner voice.
act as though i care,
continue this day in my own delusion of self satisfaction and happiness. in a desperate and pathetic attempt to belong
in a society im invisible to.

autmumn walk
sweet smell of autumn and the calming cold winds gracefully move the leaves.
the past echos through rusted railings, grassy dirt road and a fallen greeting sign
the sound of my own footsteps, chirping birds and chattering leaves falling to the ground
gives me a sense of bliss all around
a poets love ballad echos in my head.

curious how the dead speak...understand i type this when im drunk. okay.
its like they keep disconnecting me or as usual its my own paranoia kicking in. apart of me knows god exists, another says
never cry for things you have already done, instead make up for it...i dont know how and lack courage in such desire to
exstinguish my heart's guilt.
in a sad way i still blame myself and have no idea how to make up for it except dying...but i know that wont make them
happy or at peace. hallucinations i repeat to myself, traumas boiling to the surface calms my nerves when i encounter
the unknown. i understand no one will believe this...thats what the demon told me.
i hear and see things not there....in insanity i die slowly alone..my only retreat is here, kind of sad if you think about it.
there are nights i feel them, hear them talking to each other as if i know nothing. it scares me to know there is
nothing i can do to help or that fear to help myself. the more i blog about the more they taunt me or terrify me.
how am i to ever explain this other than im completely insane or it's the paranormal....i dont know
the only thing i confident in is that the light of soul......can slow them down. in the end its just the end. gracefully walk forward