snippy

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Posted June 20 2008 12:51 AM Mood: Aggravated Doing: this post

* Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch

* Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

* Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

* Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

* Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

* Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

* The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

* Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

* Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

* Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

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Inner strength

Posted April 30 2008 03:54 AM Mood: Tired Doing: minutes

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct her/him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, ..................

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

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My boss and I

Posted January 25 2008 04:18 AM Mood: Tired Writing: this blog

When I take a long time
I am slow
When my boss takes a long time
he is thorough
When I don't do it
I am lazy
When my boss doesn't do it
he is to busy
When I do something without being told
I am trying to be smart
When my boss does the same
that is initiative
When I please my boss
I am apple-polishing
When he pleases his boss
He's co-operating
When I do good
My boss never remembers
When I do wrong
he never forgets.

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Loadshedding

Posted January 25 2008 12:47 AM Mood: Good Listening to: Just ginger-fall out

What do you think of this loadshedding business in south Africa?

I think it's very irratating and inconvieniant for everyone and why when it's to late to fix the problem, does government now all of a sudden want to start doing something, it's hopeless, wish i could just move to another county, but ja...anyway!!!

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The guys' rules

Posted January 23 2008 01:30 AM Mood: Depressed Doing: work

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally the guys side of the story. (I must admit it's pretty good).Here are the rules from the males point of view.

Please note these are all numbered "1" on pupose.

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. you're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down, you
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no,we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do no work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thays what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said in an argument 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.

1. If you wont dress like the victorian secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are, don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to
do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colours, like windows default settings. Peach, for example is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we are thinking unless you are prepared to discuss topics such as baseball, the shotgun
formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have to many shoes.

1. I am in shape, round is a shape.

1. Yes i know i'll probably have to sleep on the couch tonight; but you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.

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A strong woman

Posted January 23 2008 12:57 AM Mood: Annoyed Listening to: the narrow

A STRONG WOMAN
is one who feels deeply
and loves fiercly.
Her tears flow just
as abundantly as her daughter.
She is not afraid to be afraid.

A STRONG WOMAN
is both soft and powerful.
She takes compliments to heart
and treats herself
like the queen that she is.

A STRONG WOMAN
is equally visionary and decisive.
She is able to hope
when things look hopeless.
She is both practical and spiritual.

A STRONG WOMAN
in her essance
is a gift to all the world.

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THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Inner strength

My boss and I

Loadshedding

The guys' rules

A strong woman