Just sitting here after work. I'm tired, it's been a long day. I worked at the post office from 6 am tille 1:30 pm then I was at the hospita from 3 pm till 11 pm. You know tired as I amn i KNOW THATR THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT CARE.

Amy

Amy

Gingerly walking through the bushes
Careful not to walk on the flowers
Her small feet feeling each step
Experiencing the texture
The softness of the earth
Running her hand through the leaves
Fragrance of the flowers around her

Her mother calls for her to hurry up
But she is lost in a world of her own
People’s voices, cars running
All is lost to her
Except for nature she feels with her senses
She will touch, smell and see
But she does not hear

Her mother is impatient
They have a bus to catch
She scoops the child in her arms
To walk swiftly on
She holds her mother tight
As if she has forgotten her touch
Her mother’s arms enfold her as they hurry on

Her tiny face on the shoulder
Looks back at the garden
A lingering longing for what has passed on
Her eyes meet mine as they round the corner
The message is clear for all that would see
Walk in the garden, feel nature around you
Live for the moment and the joy it can bring


R. Lavery June 2008

*$@~#r

H&^~^*

I pass her on the corner on Barton Street
Two blocks from my house, not far at all
She smiles when she see me
Trying to catch my eye
At first glance attractive and sexy.

For a short while
She would be my friend, my lover
At least until my wallet was empty
I see her often on that corner
Not very old but older than her years
She has knowledge of things I cannot imagine
But wisdom eludes her
She gives her love for a price
But love is out of her reach

Who is this girl
How did she end up
On this windy corner
On Barton street
In this gritty steel town
could she sink lower
I will not ask her

As I pass her on her corner
I glance her way as I pass her by
Christ reached out to women like her
I don't even slow down
Avoiding her gaze with embarrassment


R Lavery June 2008

Dawn of a New Day

DAWN OF A NEW DAY

At early dawn I think about
All the dawns that have past
And all the dawns yet come
How eternal this Sun
That rises each morn
It warms our bones and makes our blood flow

With each dawn
A new hope is born
As the day unfolds
Our life goes on
But with each dawn
We start anew, we are reborn

Many chance's come our way
As karma brings us round and round
New doors to open and
Doors we didn't open last time around
Each day a journey
In this circle of life

I watch the sun
Creep over the horizon
Color spreading over the sky
Life awakens around me
Hope springs in me
For the circle continues
Never ending

Is that all there is?

Is this my life
Is this it
Living on the top floor
Just waiting to die

I lie here reading
Laughing at another’s words
Bring joy for a moment
Then I wonder
Is this life

Peggy Lee said
Is that all there is
Well, is it?
Is this all there is?
Is this the peak?

I thought with my wife
I was complete
I had it all
My kids finished me
No more to gain

Yet she is gone
My kids don‘t really need me
Family doesn’t care
What have I got
Is this it?

I just don’t know
But I hope not.

Awakening

Awakening

Your hair covers you face as you sleep
Dark, soft, your ear peeks through it
I brush it back to see your face
The softness of your lips entice me
I lie beside you and look at you
The early sun creeping across the room
Casting its light over you

I slowly pull the covers back
And look at your breasts in the morning light
Reaching out and brushing my hand across them
Your eyes open and look at me
The depth of your eyes draws me in
I move forward, touching your lips with mine
Your arm pulling me closer
Your body pressing to mine

I feel your moistness on my fingers
You arch your back in pleasure
A moan escapes your lips
I take you in my mouth
And taste you
Your hands on my head pulling me close

You climb on top of me
Taking me in you
My hand touching your body
My mouth your breasts
Riding me until we both finish
Collapsing beside me
Gasping for air

Your hair covers your face
I brush it back to look at you
Gently touching your cheek
And so I awaken to start the day
Love and pleasure that awaits me
Desire that fulfills me
A woman the completes me

Love

I was packing things today. I'm moving in a few weeks. I was packing the picture albums and when I got to my wedding album, this fell out. Its a poem I wrote to my wife on our wedding day in 1973. I shouldn't be supprised that she had kept it. When I cleaned out her hope chest I found every valentinee, birthday and Xmas card I had ever given her.

What more

I love you, what more can I say
Love me, what more could I ask
You are my friend
You are my lover
The soft touch of a rose
The scent of apple trees in spring
The sound of a stream deep in the forest
These things describe my love for you

My love for you
So hard to understand
Yet so simple
I will always love you
What more could I say
Always love me
What more can I ask

Friends

Friends

In childhood we love them, can’t do without them.
We do what they want no matter how dumb.
As we grow older the circle increases.
Like the rings on a tree our life just goes on
Like the leaves on that tree our friends come and go.
Some friends hang on drifting in our lives
The strong branch of the tree that helps us hang on

They are there when we need them
Laughing when we laugh
Crying when we cry.
They support us when we are right
And correct us when we are wrong
Ready to listen at two in the morn
Mourning with us when life flies out of control

Standing beside us arm in arm
Like the trunk of the tree
Real friends stand strong
Blood runs thicker, or so it is said
Family will love us to the end
Our friends love us in spite of ourselves

Night time

In the night

The silence of the night is deafening.
It is filled with thoughts of her.
Her spirit is all around me.
I close my eyes and see her.
Her touch brushes against my cheek.
A voice that fills my mind
And whispers in my ear.

The silence of the night is deafening.
Sitting here listening to it.
She fills me, mind, body and soul.
I close my eyes and dream of her.
I can almost touch her.
So far out of reach.
Wandering through my dreams.

The silence of the night is deafening.
So loud I can’t stand it.
So quiet I fear it.
Filled with thoughts of her.
I think of how she was so long ago.
Then I see the pain and fear in her eyes.
Before she slipped away from me.

The silence of the night is deafening.
I fill that silence with thoughts of her.
The soft noises of the night
Remind me of her.
I listen and know she is near.
She is with me still.
In the silence of the night

natural you

Natural You

Your voice is like the gentle rain
It nourishes me and revives me
Your continence shines on me
Like the warm living sun
It brings life to my soul
And fills my heart with joy

Thoughts of you are like the moon
Their in the background
But still lighting my way
I lie naked before it
Feeling its life force
Flow though me

Touching you is like
Running my hands through
The soft spring grass
Your lips like the wildflowers
That slip though my fingers
So soft and filling my senses

In your eyes I see the universe
The stars and the heavens before me
I can fall into their depth
And lose myself in you
But in their depths
I find myself

I feel in you the strength
Of the mighty oak
The strength of woman
Ageless through time
Yet also the softness
Of the rose as it
Bends to kiss me

souldmates and friends

I kind of stumbled on this site. I signed up and forgot about it. Then I started getting messages from women who wanted to contact me on their personal emails. I'm not looking for love or a soul partner or whatever. I think women are fabulous and like talking to them. Yes I will kid around but that is usualy as far as it goes unless I really know someone. In their first email these women wanted to marry me for gods sake. Then came the message about the millions they couldn't get their hands on and just needed my credit card to access it. Do they realy think people are that dumb? Or are some people that desprate for physical contact that they become that dumb.

What kind of culture do we have that we are afraid to talk to someone, hold them and comfort them. I contacted all the women listed in my home town and not one responded. I'm not lying in my profile I tell the truth. Even if you doubt that why would anyone make themselves look like such a dweeb and be exhagerating.


Come on girls smarten up. You are not going to find youe soulmate on the first contact. I was married for 32 years and I dated my wife for three years before that. She was my best friend before we became lovers. Don't look for a souldmate, look for a friend. You may find a soulmate or you may not but you will have a friend.

For my friend

Hiding in a closet
Away from the world
No shouts to hear
No one to hurt you
Alone in the dark
Your troubles far away

Eyes squeezed tight
Hands on your ears
But the troubles are still there
The cupboards full of your fears
You still hear the shouts
Still feel the fright

Let me come in
The closet with you
I’ll take your hands off your ears
Squeezing your hand tight
With my arms around you
I’ll turn on the light

Shadows

Shadows in the light


The sunlight streams through my window.
It warms my skin but also brings comfort to my spirit.
It is never changing, always there.
At night the moon reminds me that the light has not gone
It will return in time, I must be patient.
As the moon comes and goes through the sky, so does my life.
That life is never changing.
It continues through time.
I have had joy as bright as the sun.
I have had sorrow as dark as the new moon.
Yet the cycle continues.

At times in the dark of night.
When the moon is not in the sky.
I look into the flame of a candle.
In its light I see hope.
They are with me still those shadows of the past.
I hear their laughter, I see their smiles,
But I long for the comfort of their embrace.
As the cycle of sun and moon continues.
So does my life, it continues.
I am not ready to join the shadows yet.

The sunlight streams through my window.
I lie in its warmth and dream of them.
Even in the light their shadows are around me.
I think of were my life is now.
The changes that have been wrought in me.
I still hear their laughter,
Still see their smiles,
And I know they are near me.

Two women

Two women in my life
One I never loved enough
One I can never love enough
Two women who will someday meet
To discuss me perhaps
But I think not
They are too strong to need me
Too proud to want me
Yet I need them
I Want them

Two women in my life
One I can never forget
One I always want to remember
They are always in my thoughts
I think of them often
I am not strong enough without them
I need them
I want them

Two women who will someday meet
I will bear the brunt of their wrath
Listen to their rebuke
Feel the softness of their touch
The comfort of their voices
Their wisdom overwhelms me
Without them I am incomplete
One made me
The other finished me

How can you love two women
When each one makes you complete
Why do I not forget one
How can I not forget the other
Someday I will love her more
Today she makes me complete
Two women, two lives
Separate, yet complete

Remember me

Remember me


Think of me with tenderness
Think of me with love in your heart
Let your mind wander to thoughts of me
Loving friends having fun
Remember I am here for you
Remember who you are
A child of the universe
A bright and shinning star
I wish I could be close to you
I want to hold you near
But near or far remember me
With love and tenderness

What she does to me

The smallest things

Did you realize
That one
Touch
From your hands
Sends tingles
Through my body

That one look from your eyes
Gives me
Butterflies
In my stomach

That one smile
Makes me
Fulfilled
In my
Heart

That one kiss
From your lips
Makes me
Weak
In my
Knees

It’s scary how
The smallest things
Can complete you
And the smallest things
Can break you

How I met Linda & how she left

It was a cold night when I arrived. Cold like I had never felt before. The Christmas lights glittered in the darkness making the cold seem even sharper. I was a stranger in a foreign land. I was a child, not yet a man. My whole life lay before me, yet as a child I could not see that far.

December 13th, 1966 was when my family landed at Toronto Airport. Everything was so strange yet I was not afraid. My parents had announced to the family that we were following my older brother to Canada. My parents brought us with them, my brother Joe (who was 16). Esther (who was 10) and myself (14 years old). My older
sister Jean and her new husband also decided to accompany us. It was going to be a new life in a better place. My parents assured us that we would have unlimited opportunity. They didn’t however mention the cold. They had been here for a visit, in the summer. They had brought home movies to show us what a wonderful place
this was. On that night in December it did not look anything like the movies. They also assured us that it would be easy for us to fit in. We spoke English, so language would not be a barrier. In Ireland at age 14, school was over. You became a man and went to work. Then I found out that here I was not a man but still a boy.
School was not over but just beginning. I found my new school so exciting because it was so different from what I was used to. I wanted so much to learn.

I found out quickly that I had a problem. I thought I spoke clear and concise English. I had an accent, I could not hear it but it was there. Other kids mocked me and laughed at the sound of my voice. Embarrassed I stayed quiet. For two years I said as little as possible. I only spoke if I had to. When I did not speak, no one would laugh at
me, no one would mimic me. Then something strange happened. The Beatles arrived in Canada. They, like me, had an accent. Other kids thought we sounded alike
but to my ear we were so different. All of a sudden my voice became hip, cool, and popular. If to be popular I had to come from Liverpool; then so be it, I came from Liverpool.

Joanne Miller liked my voice. She was a big, bold redhead. I don’t mean big physically but in her personality. You could not ignore her or not do as she asked. She would ask me to say things just to hear my voice. She and her friends would gather around me in the hall to hear me speak. The other guys saw this and thought “that’s cool; all the girls like him.” It was my voice they liked, they didn’t know me.
I was still shy, I was still afraid. Joanne was having a party, I just had to come she said. I would have fun she said. I was so scared yet I went. My first party, I was nervous I didn’t really know anyone. I sat in the corner watching everyone. I was trying to think of something smart and cool to say but I couldn’t think of anything.

She came late with a friend. Her friend Roxanne was afraid of cats. As they came into the living room Joanne’s cat brushed against Roxanne’s leg and she screamed. Everyone turned and looked up at the noise. It was then I saw her. The light in the hall shone down on her, my Linda. At that moment I fell in love with her. Afraid but
feeling bold I approached her. I asked her to dance, more than once. We talked, first in the noise of the party, then on the balcony. I don’t remember what we talked about. I do remember her face, her hands, her hair and her eyes. Those brown eyes so full of life. I could not stop looking into those eyes, I was lost in them. I wanted so much to touch her, to kiss her, but I was afraid. Of what I don’t know; rejection, disappointment, ridicule who knows what. It got late and she had to go. I just didn’t want it to end. She had a curfew and had to be home by midnight. Without warning she leaned forward and kissed me.

I felt her lips touch mine and my heart leapt. The softness of her lips. Her eyes so close to mine. Her scent, when I close my eyes I can smell it still. But most of all I remember her kiss, the softness and passion in that light touch. Then she was gone.
I knew her first name but not her last. I didn’t know where she lived or her phone number. I wasn’t sure if I would see her again. I would look for her at school I thought. I had to find her. Like Prince Charming I had lost my Cinderella. All I could think about that night was her touch. All I could see were her eyes. All I could smell
was her scent.

The next day was Saturday, I trudged off to work. I worked at a toy store in Yorkdale Mall. With thoughts of her dancing through my mind I tried to get through the morning. Then I looked up from the counter and she was there in front of me. Her smile was like a burst of sunshine through the dark clouds. “Would you like to go for coffee?” she asked.

It was the start of a journey. I was still captivated by her when Christmas rolled around. I had dinner with my family and then had taken the bus up to Linda’s place. We walked in the snow. It was falling in large flakes around us. There seemed to be no sound except the sound of our voices. I held her hand and walked and delighted to be in her presence. It was Christmas day 1970. Her dinner was over so I helped her clean up. Her dad was napping on the couch. Edward, her brother, was watching TV. So we went for a walk. It had been snowing for most of the afternoon and it was a thick cushion under our feet. It was falling so fast you couldn’t see across the street.

Christmas night; there was not much traffic but what there was, was muted and quiet. After awhile all other sound was gone, there was just the sound of our two voices. I walked with her and looked at her, this young girl in a mini skirt with her dark hair pulled back. As I walked, I looked into her deep brown eyes and watched the shape of her lips as she spoke. We talked about our future and the path we would take to get there. The only sound was the sound of her voice; no one else existed but the two of us.

Since that time I have tried to recapture that feeling, like trying to relive a photograph. I have walked in many snow storms seeking it. So far that perfection has eluded me. I think back to that moment, Christmas day so long ago. I was head over heels in love with that woman. As the song says “If I could walk ten thousand miles, then I would walk ten thousand more, just to be the man who laid down at her door.” I found her diary last year. She had written a detailed account of her daily life that year and kept it all these years. Every word I said, the touch of our hands, how we kissed, even the first time we made love. It was all recorded, all written down. I thought then that I was obsessed with her, that I was chasing after her. After reading her words I see that she was just as obsessed with me, just as in love with me. Yes I was chasing her but she was slowing down waiting to be caught.

So now when it snows I think of her. In the silence of the snowfall I hear her voice. In its beauty I see her and think of how she reveled in it, how she loved it. I can see her in her mini skirt and blue coat; her hair tied back, walking beside me. On a cold winter night I feel her hand in mine and I know she is near.

Linda and I dated for almost three years. We married in 1973. Now 32 years later that I find myself sitting by her side and looking at her, this beautiful woman who I love. She really is the only woman I have ever known. We met when we had just turned 18 and here we were 35 years later, with me sitting beside her bed, holding her hand, looking at her. It was not just that we were lovers; she was my friend, my best friend. We had no secrets, my soul was laid bare before her and I knew the depth of hers. The first time I saw her she had my heart. The first time she spoke to me she sealed the deal, I was hers forever. So here I sit, holding her hand, watching her die; how unfair life can be, how cruel. She had so much to overcome, so many mountains to climb. Yet she was there for me, always. Now she would be gone, I would have to face this life alone. Yet strangely I did not think past this moment or of the moments before. I sit and watch her breath, the flutter of her eyes. I hope to catch a whisper, to have her respond to my touch. They said she can hear me, I don’t know if that is so. Yet I talk to her, telling her how much I love her, how we will be together again. Then as I saw her flinch in pain, as the cancer ate her body, I told her to let go, to go home, I would join her soon. I asked the nurse what was keeping her alive. How was she surviving? She has had no food or water, the IV was gone, what was keeping her alive? The oxygen she was getting was the only sustenance she had I was told. The nurse asked if I wanted her to remove it. “No” I replied; “I would take care of it”. I sat for hours looking at her, holding her hand, knowing the end was near. People came and went, saying comforting words. Yet I can remember none of them now. Then the room grew quiet, it was dinner time. The living had gone to eat and talk about how sad it was. I was alone in the room with just my friend Terry.

The radio was playing softly in the background. Credence Clearwater Revival was singing the song I first heard when I saw her for the first time. She always thought of it as “our” song. I always argued that our song should be much more romantic. Yet as at the beginning so at the end, it was playing again. I held her hand and looked at her, I asked her to forgive me, and then I took off her oxygen mask. I cried, my pain welling up through me and breaking my heart. My friend held me, two men holding each other, crying. In the movie “The Never Ending Story”, the world as they
knew it fell apart and disappeared. That was how I felt.

My world as I knew it was disappearing into the void, gone forever. Two men holding each other crying, if I had looked on this scene from afar I would have found it strange. Yet how grateful I was to have my friend there to hold me and give me comfort. Then after I had taken away the last thing that kept her alive; I sat and held her hand and looked on her face. My family came back from dinner. She is off oxygen they said, is that a good sign they asked? “Yes” I replied, “for God is near”.

So I sat and held her hand and watched her face for I know the end was near.
Three days, three long days and no change. How much she loved me, did I deserve such love? Could I ever have earned it? The nurse came in and said I must take a break. “You have been here 72 hours; you must take a break” she said. Then she said “she won’t leave until you are not here. She can’t leave you.” I phoned my daughter and asked her to come and sit with her. Then I told Linda I was leaving, that I would be back soon. I told her to wait for me, not to leave until I returned. Yet I never even made it home when Rachel called. “It’s here, its happening, what you asked me to watch for, hurry back” she said. I rushed back to the hospital but she was gone. My love was gone. My friend was gone, I was alone.

My Book

I want to tell you about my book. It is called Love lost love found and my name as author is Robert J Lavery. It is available on Amazon, Barnes & Nobel, Borders, Chapters and many other places. Check it on Google for availability. The poems that are on my blog are some of the poems that are in it plus short stories. Anyone who has read it has told me it has had a profound impact on them. Any money raised from sales will be going to a bursury in my wife's name at the high school were she worked. Anyone who wants to know more about me or see into the depths of my soul needs to get a hold of this book. It can be down loaded for only a few dollars.

Walking and thinking

Walking

Pounding the pavement late at night
My feet finding their own way
My mind is occupied with other things
Thoughts far away from where I am
Wandering through memories from long ago
Heartbreak just creeps up on you
Thinking of how things are now
How to stop the heart break overwhelming you
What can we do to change our path
Can our feet find a different way
Or is the destination the same
No matter what path we choose

So I walk alone late at night
Pushing myself to go further
If I could only walk far enough
If I could only move fast enough
To leave all the hurt far behind
But no matter how fast I travel this night
No matter how many miles I travel
The hurt is all around me
Memories dog my steps
But who knows where those steps will take me
What path will I travel
Memories to be made
Joy to be experienced
Love to be found

Life

The Game

The game we call life
Is not won by the swift,
for they shall just finish sooner.
Nor is it won by the strong,
for surely they will just
meet someone stronger
who will beat them down.
It is won by those who endure,
who take life’s storms and battles,
And survive them.
Then relish their victories because
They were so hard fought for.
In the end we are all victors
For we all finish the game we call life.
We will reach out our arms
And thank God for letting us play.
For the end of the game is just the beginning.

laughing

Laughter


You say I have a nice laugh.
It’s you who brings laughter to my voice.
The sound of your laughter,
Lightens my heart.
As mine will lighten yours.

I feel sorrow when you are sad.
With others it’s just a passing thought.
I feel your anger when your mad.
Other anger I avoid,
As it vexes my heart.

The sound of your laughter
Brings light to me.
Like the sun in the morning
After the dark of night
.
Your smile is like the moon.
Subtle light in my life.
It comforts my spirit.
It completes my life.

It’s so easy to laugh,
When we let ourselves go.
Not the harsh laugh of humor
Or of mocking derision.
But laughter of friendship,
A closeness of being.

thinking of my family

Rest stop

Sitting at a rest stop watching the world pass by.
Young men, strong, alone, on motorbikes.
Young girls, in groups, giggling and silly.
A couple, in love, who can’t let go,
Then with their children, pent up in a car,
They have a need to move, a time to run free.
The older couple who need a break,
From sitting so long, so close together.
I sit and watch them pass me by
And I see the shadows pass me too.

I passed here as a young man.
Not on a bike but in a car.
I would watch the young girls as they giggled past.
Then with my partner so long ago,
The one whom I couldn’t let go.
We stopped with the kids, to eat and drink.
After their confinement, they would run and play.
As we grew older we would slowly walk
Tired of sitting but not of talk.

I sit here by myself and see,
Shadows of my life pass before me.
I know they are gone, they are not here.
Yet I feel they are always near.
If our past surrounds us, then so must our future.
Pages not yet turned for us to explore.
There will still be giggling girls to watch walk by.
Grandchildren who need hugged if they cry.
Listen to their laughter fill the air.
Friendships to make and hold close by.
For if we are quiet and look around.
We will find that love is there to be found

What I think of women

Natural You

Your voice is like the gentle rain
It nourishes me and revives me
Your continence shines on me
Like the warm living sun
It brings life to my soul
And fills my heart with joy

Thoughts of you are like the moon
Their in the background
But still lighting my way
I lie naked before it
Feeling its life force
Flow though me

Touching you is like
Running my hands through
The soft spring grass
Your lips like the wildflowers
That slip though my fingers
So soft and filling my senses

In your eyes I see the universe
The stars and the heavens before me
I can fall into their depth
And lose myself in you
But in their depths
I find myself

I feel in you the strength
Of the mighty oak
The strength of woman
Ageless through time
Yet also the softness
Of the rose as it
Bends to kiss me

how I want to meet you

An unexpected visit


I rang her doorbell, I was unexpected.
She open her door, surprise on her face.
I stepped forward and kissed her.
I felt her lips press on mine.
The touch of her tongue on my tongue.
The force of the kiss carried her back from the door.
I kicked it closed behind me.

She was wearing a robe,
Just out of the shower,
Her hair wet and pressed to her head.
I backed her to the wall
and pressed against her,
Until the imprint of my body was on hers.

My desire for her overwhelmed me
My lips explored her neck, her ears.
I open her robe and she was naked.
I ran my hands over her body.
Her breath quickened as I touched her.
“Take me” she said,
“Take me now”

She was mine, I was hers.
Our passion soared.
As we stood in the hallway
Pressed against the wall
Two people desiring each other.
Two lovers uniting as one.

I held her close
I felt her body meld with mine.
I felt her desire, her passion.
I laid my soul before her.
I was hers, she was mine.
What else could matter.

My poetry

Shadows in the light


The sunlight streams through my window.
It warms my skin but also brings comfort to my spirit.
It is never changing, always there.
At night the moon reminds me that the light has not gone
It will return in time, I must be patient.
As the moon comes and goes through the sky, so does my life.
That life is never changing.
It continues through time.
I have had joy as bright as the sun.
I have had sorrow as dark as the new moon.
Yet the cycle continues.

At times in the dark of night.
When the moon is not in the sky.
I look into the flame of a candle.
In its light I see hope.
They are with me still those shadows of the past.
I hear their laughter, I see their smiles,
But I long for the comfort of their embrace.
As the cycle of sun and moon continues.
So does my life, it continues.
I am not ready to join the shadows yet.

The sunlight streams through my window.
I lie in its warmth and dream of them.
Even in the light their shadows are around me.
I think of were my life is now.
The changes that have been wrought in me.
I still hear their laughter,
Still see their smiles,
And I know they are near me.

looking for someone from plenty of fish

I am looking for someone from the plenty of fish site.  Her user name was "swallowpro".