|
|
Cuts II
i have acheived the goal of not cutting myself for one whole day. I have just realized what they're limiting me from doing. i cannot wear short sleeves out in public, or people will make faces at me, or stare, or something. i do not like the faces at all.
i am tired of getting dressed in the morning and having to be extra careful because they hurt. Everytime i cut, i will be posting/editing a blog to write down the dates (because if i write it on paper, i'll totally loose it). so, i decided that this will be the blog i will write the dates on.
*3/11/09* one
*3/12/09* four
I've been thinking again
Share This
Posted March 14 2009 05:06 AM
Mood: Thoughtful
Currently: Thinking
1. when we were in fourth grade and we had a crush on someone, why did they tease us about it? why? Did they not want us to like them? did they think they were ugly? so what? it should be flattering to hear someone say that they like you. It should make you feel good about yourself.
2. If you truly like someone, you should be able to tell them yourself how much you really like them. Why would you be emberrased? why should you?
3. what about asking someone out? are you afraid you'll get rejected? if you don't do it now, you'll regret it later. you'll think back and say "aww.. i sure wish i would've done that" but you won't be able to because it'll be too late.
4. Try new stuff. If you don't, you'll never know what it would've been like. (sorta like #3)
5. exposing your effection to the one you love isn't a crime. (don't have s%~ in public please) you should be able to kiss them and say, "sorry. I couldn't resist" or something. Keep them in love with you.
6. breaking up is NOT texting them. breaking up is NOT IMing them. it is NOT giving them a call. you have to meet with them in person. talk to them and explain why you are breaking up with them. don't just leave them hanging.
here's some questions and tips. i hope you find that they're helpful
Noticing and Wishing
Share This
Posted March 12 2009 02:54 PM
Mood: Lonely
Your love is like a trap,
A drug that’s calling my name.
I ignore it,
Afraid to answer it.
I walk by him, pretending he’s not there,
But I do notice him.
I notice him every day.
I notice what he’s wearing, when he’s not there.
I notice the way he looks at other girls,
The words he says,
His eyes,
His heart…
Maybe there’s one girl,
His pupils grow big for,
He stutters when he speaks,
His heart flutters.
How I wish it were me,
That he would notice.
Wish it were me, held in his arms…
I wish I were the one kept safe in his arms,
sure as hell had my chance.
I blew it bad, just totally left him…
Wish I could take it all back…
Wish he’d take me back.
Of all that we’ve been through…
Yeah, I still want you.
All About Me (look, if you're gonna read this, read ALL of it)
Share This
Posted March 12 2009 03:57 AM
Mood: Sleepy
--Name: my name is Kayla Rae, but all of my friends call me Max or Maxi (never knew why, though).
--B-Day: i was born January 13, 1990. My birthday is special because i was born on Friday the 13th, at midnight, on a full moon. (cool, huh?)
--Body: well, my skin is naturally always soft and i have a dash of freckles on the bridge of my nose that are slowly fading away. My hair was blonde when i was young, but got darker as the years passed by. My eyes did the same thing. ^-^ My ears are pierced too!
--personality: Umm... My favorite color matches my personality. It's black. I may seem like a goody-two-shoes, but in all honesty, i soo am not. i've always loved to do bad things. (like hurt people, even. but i won't lie)
--Siblings: I have 1 older sister(tina), a twin(Kenny), three younger sisters(Maddie, Teah, and Chloe), and two younger brothers(not counting my twin)(Drake and Jeremiah)
--Cutting: i'm sure most of you who are reading this know i cut. Well, two days ago, (March 10) i cut myself deeper than i've ever done before(i used a tack!). i know that i'm addicted and i can't stop. But, i don't mind at all. I like it. ^-^ I cut for both good and bad memories. that's what the scar reminds me.
--Fear: i know that you know what i'm afraid of. Love, right? yup! but do you know why? i didn't think so. i'm afraid of love because i don't like to be touched. i worry what my bf or gf will think of me when i flinch away from them.. i've never really liked being touched.. i don't really know why either..
to be continued
Cuts
Share This
Posted March 9 2009 12:41 PM
Currently: doin some cuttin
Physical pain is my best friend. I can feel it tearing at my newly open skin. I love the pain, i love the blood. It drips down my legs, arms and face, leaving beautiful scars in their place.
Hit me, cut me, do anything you want to me. I'll love it, but make sure to leave a nice scar.. leave a sweet sweet memory. 
Headaches
Share This
Posted March 9 2009 12:26 PM
Mood: Irritated
sure, sure. you prolly don't mind 'em. but when you get cluster headaches + migranes all in one package, it kills. that's all i wanted to say.
To Every Guy
Share This
Posted March 9 2009 07:45 AM
Mood: Excited
Writing: my novel
"copy righted from Kinny"
To every guy that's said, "S%& CAN wait"
To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful."
To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.
To every guy that gives her flowers and a card when she is sick or down.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because thats how he rolls.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her. ....
To every guy that she cried in front of...
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.....
To every guy that would give his seat up...
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car and opened the door.
To every guy that gave his heart.
To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.
Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore...
And because of this, there are not many left out there...
I guarantee 90% of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image
If you are a nice guy repost this with:
"This is how every girl should be treated."
If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way
repost this with: "To Every Guy"
What I am afraid of
What am I afraid of? well, i'd have to say love. That's basically the one thing i am afraid of. Not the dark, not my Little Devil brothers. I'm afraid of getting hurt by the people i love. what more is there to say?
Alone in Love
I feel so alone,
In this dark room.
I'm still waiting for you to find me,
Sitting here patiently.
You know i am dying,
Slowly and Painfully.
You're making it worse,
I long for your love.
In my heart,
you'll always be there.
I made a promise,
I'll never hurt you.
But now i've gone and broken my promise,
I hope you'll forgive me.
Please do me a favor,
And sit right here.
I know i left you,
You have a right to leave me.
But please don't,
My heart is so broken.
I'm tearing myself apart,
Always thinking of you.
I can't help it though,
Love you so damn much.
Tell me all your secrets.
Tell me you love me,
Or tell me you hate me.
Tell me everything,
I want to know it all.
Save me from this hell of a life,
And i'll gladly take your hand.
I love you more than the world, Josh. I really hope that you kill me or forgive me, but in all honesty, i'd prefer you'd kill me so that i wouldn't have to live with the guilt of what i've done to you. I love you that much. Ask my sisters, ask my brothers. I talk about you non-stop. Sure, they get mad at me, "shut up, Kayla!" but in all truth, they know i can't. Always on my mind, not just another toy. I promise you won't break, just don't let me play with you and you'll be fine. So, let's talk! 
for Josh
Share This
Posted February 21 2009 03:10 PM
Mood: Relaxed
Still I love you
always and forever
my love for you exists
together we'll never be,
nor a kiss ever shared.
whenever you cross my mind,
my heart races for you.
your always with me,
forever in my heart.
I can feel you,
brushing my skin,
the taste of your lips,
it's oh so sweet.
hold me now,
and never let go.
taste me on your tongue,
feel me touch your chest.
I'll be here for you,
will you be here for me?
not the me i wanted to be
Share This
Posted February 18 2009 06:39 AM
Mood: Sad
Listening to: Music and thinking
i hate who i am..
hate who i've become..
i want to keep to my self..
tired of being teased..
i'm tired of hiding under this pink blanket..
afraid of my own darkness...
i want to be me..
i'm sick of this...
please..
let me be me...
i didn't want to change....
i'm calling out, here and now...
somebody come and save me...
just please..
this one thing..
unlock the real me..
help me out of this shell...
give me wings..
help me fly away..
i'll take you with me...
i want to be loved..
amongst all things...
someone...
anyone...
please save me...
i need this more than anything....
i'm trapped in my own world...
|
Official Blog
Media Kit
Terms & Privacy
Report Offensive Material
Contact Us
Suggestions