marymary

Milk

Didn't have to hide away
We agreed on everything
But the moment he changed tone
He didn't know what hit him

He'd become the embodiment
Of what I can't tolerate
The moment he puts you down
You are better off alone

I saw how he treated her
The pieces that were struggling
A girl trying to get up
And she really did a lot

And then he came on my turf
"Don't go, I will deal with him"
Looked into his lifeless eyes
"What's wrong with you?!?" I told him

"She didn't answer my calls
So I rang your bell a lot"
"Yeah but she has to sleep now
And take her course in the morn"

"That course you said was a waste
Like the other things she does
She told you to leave her be
Take your jacket and earrings"

He would be out of her life
But her phone kept on ringing
So she yelled and screamed at him
I feared nos would be yeses

When I cut the chain, it's done
"But I just want you to feel"
"You have no right to make me"
The cutting is swift and cold

I'm willing to lose it all
I am milk, I'm cool and calm
One day I'll use my powers
To build up a great big storm

Love is being who you are
Underneath I find myself
If you ever get inside
I'll never let you taint it

Life will trick you to thinking
Your gig's up when it isn't
But no one has that power
It is all an illusion

Bread

How quickly things can change
Everything you know, CHANGED
You didn't act on things
Feelings passed like a dream

On the alternate side
I acted on your thoughts
Came to the same results
This place is the problem

You know this face, dear one
But it's among the lost
There's no time when I'm safe
The fighting never stops

The sounds comfort these thoughts
But they do me no good
Thoughts don't bring me bread
They just pick at my head

So here I await time
When I should be getting out
I wish I wasn't right
Things change but stay the same

Toy Commercial Fail

Creepy

I Will Always Love You

But you hurt the ones you love, eh?

Simon's Cat

Pointless Blog

p: .ʞɹoʍ p1noʍ uʍop ǝpısdn buıʇıɹʍ ɟı ǝǝs oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ puɐ pǝɹoq ɯ,ı ǝsnɐɔǝq s,ʇı ʎ1ʇsoɯ ʇnq .ɐɯɯǝ1ıp 1ɐɔıɥʇǝ ǝɯos ɹo n1ɟ ǝuıʍs 'ʎɯouoɔǝ ǝɥʇ ǝʞı1 1nɟbuıuɐǝɯ buıɥʇǝɯos ʇnoqɐ buıʇıɹʍ pǝɹǝɥʇoq ǝq ʇ,up1noɔ ı ǝsnɐɔǝq bo1q ssǝ1ʇuıod ɐ ǝʞɐɯ oʇ pǝʇuɐʍ ʇsnظ ı

Arsole

Wikipedia: Arsole

Brand New Bathroom!

My landlord is redoing our bathroom so we got him to pay us a hotel for several days. This is why my connection isn't so good so I apologize for my disappearances...

Good Morning Kitty

Happy Halloween

I Wish My Math Classes Were This Fun...

Power Failure

There's a power failure
As if I willed it so
I like the privacy
Of the silent darkness

It's all intentional
I'm no longer in shock
It strikes a chord in you
I'm still gonna do it

It is unfortunate
How things are left behind
But they do not suffice
They are insufficient

Life can be so simple
And that's what's hard
Wanting to be special
They fold in disorders

Not a stereotype
But I face it so much
Would it make it easier
If I did that to you?

Would you accept my love
'Cause I made it tainted
To be believable?
It's easy not to think

To see you for the person
That you don't want to face
Take you for the substance
You think you really aren't

Whenever I lose hope
I think of every one
Like me living out there
Who'd be more alone

If the darkness did me in...

Feed the World

Relationships

The ridiculousness of humans never ceases to amaze me. As cool and collected as I am it's a matter of principle that I blog about such things so they may stick out with as sore a thumb as is apparent to me. It's tempting to generalize and assign blame in order to simplify and quickly make sense of confusing situations, but the truth is there is a collective amalgamation of injustices. They form vicious cycles of the lack of hope pushing people towards such lack of sense.

Among friends we tend to agree that most humans are outrageous and totally lack logic. It would seem that certain 'fundamental' values of equal rights are mere guidelines when faced with the opportunity to satisfy some basic need for control. I will demonstrate what I mean with my own experience.

It took me a while to stop empathizing when guys make excuses based on trivial problems in their lives. It all happened after I thought about how never once did someone allow me that satisfaction or mental illusion, therefore why should I allow a man to do that. Because their mothers over-mothered them? Because there's lots of other women that would take that shit? Because men are like retarded babies that need 'special' attention?

It took me a while to realize that trying to satisfy social norms is a bottomless pit and that thinking for myself despite criticism would entail a lot more self-fulfillment. That being said, I think many people don't realize the perverse nature of living to 'please'. To presume such actions are virtuous is false because those sacrifices are cop-outs all the while avoiding and destroying any attempts at real interaction and thought.

At the same time I come across those who think they can manipulate my actions, telling me what I should do, what I am thinking, and what I'm feeling. Meanwhile I just smile politely knowing that arrogant idiots don't deserve my real thoughts.

You can notice at once how ridiculous people are when you 'for fun' try to imitate their actions, attitudes and words. How presumptuous is it for you to tell a person how to live their life without knowing them and their comfort zone. How silly is it to find substantiality in a woman who obviously puts all her sexuality out there as if that's the only thing that matters when she doesn't care about you - just the attention and approval.

We live in a self-centered culture where people have to have what they want, when they want it. In terms of reciprocation, forget about women having wants, needs or feelings. It's absolutely ridiculous that in this day in age women must still function in the illusion that they don't need s~&, food, and leisure. That they are somehow instruments to be used for the background work while men get all the credit.

I am happy and learned to cope, and for this I am praised when I just divert these things to less fallible human tools. I am amazed how many men are emotional and whiny, acting selfishly yet demanding empathy and encouragement for their little baby steps. They make their little tantrums and when I indifferently describe the nature of reality it becomes too much for them.

This is a land of confusion, and women too are to blame with their intense misogyny and discrediting of other women. I try to 'understand' but I denounce 'fakeness' and 'lack of sense' regardless of gender as well as applaud real, sensible people.

I've been told that many of the things I see and experience here are less apparent elsewhere - that there may exist places that make more sense. If this is the case, I think I should find such a place least I unawaringly become a practicing psychologist.

Remember the Sunscreen Song?

It's such a feel good song:

Fishy Fishy Fish

Apples and Oranges

My absence is so great
Lucidity completes
Sure of the conclusion
Still in these predictions

In being a woman
It is to never want
This imposed happiness
Kills the sweet crusaders

Give all of you and die
Take it all and you lie
It's a catch twenty-two
Where the middle's blurry

They know they can't know it
We know the apple's cost
Forever been searching
It's only in the mind

I see the good ones fail
We all had the same dreams
Holding on so tightly
Been keeping to ourselves

It just doesn't get through
Forever doing it
Over and over 'till
Something's finally budged

No you cannot touch me
You can only lose it
And I cannot lose it
I can only observe

One caught in so many
So often it's cliche
If you are destruction
I am the life in me

Passed Date

In a second morals betrayed
Evasive in the details
Your comments persist the bias
One easily overlooked

I've pointed out real and fake
Even in his craziness
He said I'm the only one
Not being something I'm not

Happiness or emptiness
Slave or master in command
Some let things go easily
For that they shouldn't be praised

True love in all I have seen
Bits and pieces in the deep
It's something to be conserved
But it cannot be replaced

You say I can do better
But my eyes are filled with age
Love's a carrot on a stick
I'm too old to give a shit

A want should let itself known
I bleed like all the others
But before you notice it
It's already way too late

You Know When...

You wake up thinking you're late but you're really an hour early? That happened to me today. It was funny I even was rushing getting my stuff wondering why my alarm didn't wake me then it hit me.

My Complaint to the STM (Société de transport de Montréal)

*I put variables instead of my real bus numbers*

I'm writing to complain about the unreliable bus service for bus x running South at 7:09am, 7:24am, and 7:36am. Recently the buses scheduled at 7:24am never came and I had to take the one for 7:36am causing me to be late for work. Luckily at work they understand and don't fire people for such things. Well, last week because of the nonexistent 7:24am bus I decided to take the 7:09am bus which was always late by 4min or in today's case never showed up.

I can very well take the metro but I'm complaining on principle. If public transport is to be considered a viable alternative, it has to be reliable. I'm perfectly happy to spend 68.50$ to use this wonderful transportation system if you'd just stick to your schedules. What do you do with all those missing buses? Send even more as y buses? This same thing happened to me when I was working in St. Laurent and taking the z from Du College metro. Maybe you sent those buses to be express buses.

I don't care about your big projects, all I'm asking is that if you can't provide so many buses for my route, just schedule less - don't be unreliable. I hate that. Oh yeah, and why did you get rid of the nice lady bus driver with the blond hair. She always said 'bonjour' every morning and no one does that any more. I find it makes a difference.

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Version

Coffee :)

Answers To My Own Quiz

1. In my 30's 'cause I most relate to my friends in that age bracket.
2. Never trying.
3. Because we're brainwashed into thinking happiness is only accessible through pain and superficial things through which happiness would automatically be derived.
4. Talking is an action so I think more will be done than said alone, but a lot more thought than done for sure. Then again, responsible actions come through reflection.
5. That ideals turn from being consumer whores into people seeking and facing truth.
6. Making music and poetry.
7. I'm doing many things I believe in but I'm accepting certain injustices that should be denounced.
8. I'd fulfill all of my ideas and not give a crap about long-term viable career goals.
9. A lot, but there are healthier ways to control things than others, and sometimes I'd just control things because other things I couldn't control. Whenever I had the energy to I took back control.
10. Doing the right things, definitely.
11. I stick up for my friend - If it was a joke and tasteful I might laugh and my friend would prolly laugh too just like everyone should lighten up about themselves. But mean, distasteful, unjustified criticism doesn't fly.
12. Live for the moment always and don't make excuses for not doing what you believe in.
13. For an actual 'loved one' I would search all legal means and options necessary to save the person, if they don't work and the law is retarded then you can bet your ass I would.
14. I've seen insanity in creativity and creativity in insanity. The latter when I'm in it the former when I contemplate it.
15. I reflect about deep issues in a realistic and constructive way.
16. Because we all haven't tried everything or haven't had pleasant, relatable experiences with the same things. A lot has to do with experience than the actual activity, where resources, time, and the input of others can have an impact as well as the individual's belief system.
17. There are many things that I want to do (Write my books, buy a guitar and learn how to play, start a karaoke business, take dancing lessons, etc). Holding me back are just everyday activities and time.
18. Yes, I tend to be cautious but I need to take more risks and know that nothing I decide can lead to total devastation.
19. I haven't traveled enough to know, but I'd say Ontario or maybe just move to France.
20. Just once and I don't think pushing it faster will do anything. It's like you know when you have a slow computer and you click a lot to make the link work faster but you just screw things up.
21. I'd rather be a joyful genius to tell you quite frankly, and in our day and age it's possible!
22. Because I consider it a great ethical injustice to be something other than I am. It's like I can further myself or become this total dissociated entity that is out of touch in order to conform or please some nonsensical ideals.
23. Hell yes. I'm very giving and I don't falter or fade a real friend. Real friends are on the same wavelength as me, and I'm very lucky. This would be best described as waves, two waves at the same frequency will cause constructive interference whereas two waves of differing frequencies will cause destructive interference. With real friends it feels like our gains are larger.
24. Losing touch with a close friend right near me cause even far away friends can keep in touch.
25. I'm grateful for my natural highs and always finding what I need even if I can't always find what I want.
26. I'd rather lose all my old memories.
27. Yes it is, but challenging it makes it more meaningful.
28. Most things happened before I had time or consciousness to fear.
29. Yeah it did, and actions taken from said upset times definitely affect the state of things today.
30. There was a thunderstorm and I was playing games with my brothers in the shed. We enacted scenes from movies, games and cartoons and played with all the toys we still had.
31. When I went against my normal conscious side and said what I was really thinking regardless of consequences.
32. Today.
33. Nothing.
34. Some people I have a psychic connection with.
35. Because religions just preach to pacify the masses and make them think war is justified, in many people's minds religion is really useful for that and hypocrisy is irrelevant.
36. For someone omniscient yes, but there's no one of that nature so no.
37. Yes.
38. More work that I enjoy doing.
39. I don't have enough of these days. It's a beautiful Sunday morning, the day is my oyster and the house is all clean so there are no excuses to not enjoy myself.
40. When I was a teenager and they were steps that I had to take to get to higher consciousness.
41. Everyone physically possible. And I'd warn them.
42. No, not by Hollywood's standards at least.
43. Being in control, doing what you really want to do and not holding back.
44. When you estimate that the act of calculating risks is detrimental and taking the plunge is actually the only sane thing to do.
45. Because we're conditioned to be automatons, that no imperfection or mistakes are tolerable and that any failure is the equivalent of poverty and death.
46. In settings where roles are set I wouldn't take on my role I'd say what I really thought for the benefit of whatever we're doing.
47. Before sleeping.
48. I expressed to my roommate how I have little sparks of creativity and I think "It would be great if I did this or that," but then I end up cleaning or what not and at the end all the things I love take the back burner. But then I admitted that I have actually taken the reigns on a lot of projects. I can't say one action expressed that love but that there was a little love in each and all together they'd become some viable love giving occupation.
49. The day before yesterday for sure. Yesterday for sure as well.
50. Some I'm letting be made for me. It's time to make my own decisions.

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Tale of Two Sides

You say you want freedom
To destroy yourself
But my freedom to save
Has been infringed on

Saw you as a fighter
Values assessed and checked
Now you give excuses
To dine with the devil

We all have our projects
But when I saw you change
What a slippery slope!
You hide your own demise

A mistake to have seen
My struggle inside you
I guess mine's unscripted
Your's a typical tale

Whatever is easy
Whatever pleases you
But I saw you betray
Your original hopes

I let her come outside
She that doesn't hold back
I let my venom slip
'Cause I care about you

That I should keep quiet
I'd be insulting you
I know you can take it
So why don't you face it?