inkedstar

inkedstar
I am a biatch....but NOT your biatch!!
22, Female from Columbus, Ohio - United States US Chat

F*** IT AGAIN.

Posted April 3 2008 03:06 PM   Mood: Tired   Doing: MYSELF  

Where to even begin? My head is a ball of confusion. Why do I feel this overpowering need to feel someone elses warmth? Why is it so f****** important to me?? As much as I hate feeling this cold I f****** hate the idea of opening up what feels like layer upon layer of scar tissue to feel some kind of warmth. False f****** warmth. This brick wall is so strong, built on tears and sweat but it could crumble at any moment. Any moment is as good as the next, yet I hold on. I feel like I have a solid grip on nothing. I want to hold it, I need to hold it not for myself but for all the others who grip onto me. How unfair it is to help hold others when I am falling. I want someone to catch me but that seems so cliche. I want to be special, apart from the rest, but everyone wants this. How am I any different than anyone else? I see no point in my breaths. People only try to understand to benifit themselves. Catching long enough to suck dry the part of you they needed to push themselves forward in their own life? Where does this leave you? It leaves you falling faster yearning more for the catch but also yearning to destroy them before they take anymore from you. Proof reading over this I get lost in my own words, how can I expect someone out there to understand? f*** it.


Write a comment! Permanent Link Digg! Stumble!

f*** it

Posted March 20 2008 03:19 PM   Mood: Discontent   Listening to: black light burns (lie)  

I should be in bed right now but my head hurts from everything going on inside it. I feel like a f****** loser talking to myself in a f****** blog. I want to talk to someone but f*** everyone. I don't even understand the way I feel so why should anyone else? Why should I trust anyone? I want to trust someone.
I feel like Enid in Ghost World, just sitting on a bench in the dark waiting on a bus that is not scheduled to come. I have been sitting in my room alone all day mostly just staring at the wall thinking of something to do to get my mind of of s***. I wanted to be creative today so I took out a pencil and notebook and I ended up just staring at the white paper. So many things in my head but nothing will come out. I am going to f****** explode. Why is it a natural feeling to want to be with someone. Someone special. I want to vomit.
Even if someone wanted to be that special they would probabley end up with my lunch on their shirt. Why is it so hard for me to give in and not be in control? If I let that wall down what is left of my dryed up, blackened heart will be exposed and vunrable. F*** that!
I guess I am just going to go to sleep....if I can f****** fall asleep. At least I have 2 days off after tomorrow and I can get all fuckered up and forget about things for a couple hours. Maybe buy a new d****, I need f*****. Mentally and physically.


Write a comment! Permanent Link Digg! Stumble!
 
Copyright 2005-2008 WireClub Media Inc. May contain adult content About WireClub Terms of Use and Privacy Policy Report Offensive Material Contact Us