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That's what you get for beeing greedy
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Posted November 14 2009 (7 days ago) 12:09 PM
Doing:
A Bottle of Merlot
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there.' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the
man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
Return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed
Him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I
have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana .. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the
bottle back.'
Sweet MOJ.......I wish I was home right now!
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Posted November 7 2009 09:23 PM
Mood: Flirty
Listening to: Tantric
This working nights on the weekend is not conducive to sexytime!
Yes, I'm a pig........ever since the swine flu!
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Posted November 7 2009 06:05 PM
Mood: Amused
Writing: this effing blog entry....
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While
Doing so he asked her,
'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or
Dermatological abnormalities.'
'That's right,' said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.'
'Correct,' replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his
Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
'Do you know what I am doing now?'
'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting syphilis: which is why I came
here in the first place.'
It's a life choice
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Posted September 25 2009 10:52 PM
Mood: Amused
Listening to: The Veer Union
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks
and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee,
a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about nakedwomen. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
Simple math
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Posted September 17 2009 09:02 AM
Mood: Chipper
Listening to: Tool
Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you
will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
upset----I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to
remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math
teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
Show them to me.
It's country but hillarious!
Have you come to your senses yet?
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Posted August 7 2009 04:40 PM
Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: HED PE, Renegade
This is written by a young man serving his third tour of duty in Iraq. Thought you might find his take on the Michael Jackson news - interesting.
____________________________
Okay, I need to rant.
I was just watching the news, and I caught part of a report on Michael Jackson. As we all know, Jackson died the other day. He was an entertainer who performed for decades. He made millions, he spent millions, and he did a lot of things that make him a villian to many people. I understand that his death would affect a lot of people, and I respect those people who mourn his death, but that isn't the point of my rant.
Why is it that when ONE man dies, the whole of America loses their minds with grief. When a man dies whose only contribution to the country was to ENTERTAIN people, the Amercian people find the need to flock to a memorial in Hollywood, and even Congress sees the need to hold a "moment of silence" for his passing?
Am I missing something here? ONE man dies, and all of a sudden he's a freaking martyr because he entertained us for a few decades? What about all those SOLDIERS who have died to give us freedom? All those Soldiers who, knowing that they would be asked to fight in a war, still raised their hands and swore to defend the Constitution and the United States of America. Where is their moment of silence? Where are the people flocking to their graves or memorials and mourning over them because they made the ultimate sacrifice? Why is it when a Soldier dies, there are more people saying "good riddence," and "thank God for IEDs?" When did this country become so calloused to the sacrifice of GOOD MEN and WOMEN, that they can arbitrarily blow off their deaths, and instead, throw themselves into mourning for a "Pop Icon?"
I think that if they are going to hold a moment of silence IN CONGRESS for Michael Jackson, they need to hold a moment of silence for every service member killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. They need to PUBLICLY recognize every life that has been lost so that the American people can live their callous little lives in the luxury and freedom that WE, those that are living and those that have gone on, have provided for them. But, wait, that would take too much time, because there have been so many willing to make that sacrifice. After all, we will never make millions of dollars. We will never star in movies, or write hit songs that the world will listen too. We only shed our blood, sweat and tears so that people can enjoy what they have.
Sorry if I have offended, but I needed to say it.
Remember these five words the next time you think of someone who is serving in the military;
"So that others may live..."
Selfless service at the ultimate price!!
Adult Questions - Don't Be a &%y*y
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Posted June 8 2009 09:49 AM
Mood: Amused
Listening to: Sirius radio....Maralyn Manson
Adult Questions - Don't Be a P#w*z
Share This Posted Today 04:02 AM
I'm curious to see if there is anyone on MY Friends list that have the guts to repost this, answering the questions themselves. . . . . . . . .
(1) Is there anyone on your friends list you would have swx with?
**Figuratively or fo real? Haha!
(2) S~z in the morning, afternoon or night?
**Junior's up before me every morn.
(3) Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
**Don't remember!
(4) Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
**Only on Fridays
(5) Shower or bath while having s@&?
**BOTH!
(6) Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed
**Saddle up and get out your whips!
(7) Do you love someone in your friends list?
**ALL…
(8) Love or Money?
**Ya, I love money.
(9) Credit cards or cash?
**Credit cards always!
(10) Have you ever wanted a best friend?
**Good friends are irreplacable
(11) Camping or a 5 star hotel?
**I'd sooner be outdoors.
(12) Where is the weirdest place you have had s~^?
**Ball diamond....cops showed up...Haha It was night time, so there!! 
(13) Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
**I'd wax my nutz if it would make you a better person...Haha!
(14) Have you ever been to a strip club?
**Sure…
(15) Ever been to a bar?
**Ya
(16) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
**Nope
(17) Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?
**Don't remember
(18) Had s#* in a movie theater?
**Uhhhhh.........haha!
(19) Had sz* in a bathroom?
**Bathroom sink's perfect heighth!
(20) Have you ever had sw@ at work?
**Yup, in the janitor's closet.
(21) Ever been to an adult store
**Yup......they deliver that shitt!
(22) Bought something from an adult store?
**Yup.....where else can you find a blow up rhino?
(23) Have you been caught having s*$ ?
**Yup, should hide a lil better maybe.
(24) Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
-**Just that magazine editor.....
(25) Ever had s#$ with someone and called them by the wrong name?
**Hhaha......just role-playing
(26) Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
**Peeps like me!
OK, COPY AND REPOST AS
Adult Questions - Don't Be a *z*$y
I am a sexy prep with a hot GF who needed a lesbian because I had to.....haha!
What color/kind of socks are you wearing?
[ ] Red = loud
[ ] Green = stupid
[ ] None = freaky
[ ] Fuzzy = gorgeous
[ ] Yellow = innocent
[ ] Purple = a little too happy
[ ] Black = emo
[ ] Stripes = funny
[ ] Gray = skanky
[ ] Pink = preppy
[ ] Light blue = sweaty
[ ] Other = hot
[x ] White = sexy
What kind of pants are you wearing?
[ ]Shorts = cutie
[ ]Skirt/skort = skank
[ ]Corduroy = f&w*^w homosexual
[ ]Tight jeans = scene kid
[ ]Ripped jeans = emo
[ ]Cammo = cage fighter
[ x]Jeans = prep
[ ]Pajamas = pimp
[ ]Cargo = clown
[ ]Sweats = athlete
[ ]Boxers = brat
[ ]Booty shorts = female
[ ]Capris = Gangster
[ ]Nothing = hoe
[ ]Dickies = weirdo
[ ]Bikini bottoms = tiki girl
[ ]Other = sxy addict
What is your natural hair color?
[ ]Auburn = that every one wants to make out with
[ ]Blonde = with a broken heart
[ ]Black = with a sexy smile
[x ]Dark brown = with a hot boyfriend/girlfriend
[ ]Red = that likes to have fun
[ ]Brown = who loves to be different
[ ]Dirty blonde= with a nice ass
[ ]Strawberry blonde = that always pleases
[ ]Bald = with herpes
Pick the month you were born on:
[ ]1 = who ate
[x ]2 = who needed
[ ]3 = who killed
[ ]4 = who shot
[ ]5 = who killed
[ ]6 = who smoked with
[ ]7 = who banged
[ ]8 = who ran shirtless with
[ ]9 = who got stabbed horribly by
[ ]10 = who cuddled with
[ ]11 = who slept with
[ ]12 = who ran naked with
Pick the day you were born on:
[ ]01 = the kool-aid man
[ ]02 = a dog
[ ]03 = a shoe
[ ]04 = a toothbrush
[ ]05 = Santa Claus
[ ]06 = The Trojan man
[ ]07 = Barny the dinosaur
[ ]08 = a p~w#$@%~zy
[ ]09 = a porn star
[ ]10 = a bag of weed
[ ]11 = my lover
[ ]12 = a glass of milk
[ ]13 = a horse
[x ]14 = a lesbian
[ ]15 = a stripper
[ ]16 = a pickle
[ ]17 = a jew
[ ]18 = a h#$~
[ ]19 = an orange (thats ironic)
[ ]20 = my mom
[ ]21 = a homeless guy
[ ]22 = a w%@zy
[ ]23 = my crush
[ ]24 = an easter egg
[ ]25 = a jar of honey
[ ]26 = a fish
[ ]27 = a bowl of cereal
[ ]28 = a french fry
[ ]29 = your dealer
[ ] 30 = Paris Hilton
[ ]31 = your grandma
Pick the color of the shirt you are wearing
[ ] White = because I love marijuana
[ ]Black = because im sexy as hell
[ ]Pink = Because the lil people told me to
[ ]Blue = because I have AMAZING boobs
[ ]Red = because I'm a pimp and your jealous
[ ]Polka Dots = because I hate my life
[ ]Purple = because I'm gay
[ ]Gray = because I got dared
[ ]Other = because that's how I roll
[ ]Green = because I'm good in bed
[ ]Orange = because I smoke c@$^~
[ ]Yellow = because I have a noodle in my nose
[ x]Brown = because I had to
[ ]Shirtless = because I've got aids
First, add "I'm a/an" on your title, then add the rest of the answers on as you do the questions.
Tag 10 people
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