Naughty_18

Naughty_18
"A captivating smile & some questionable motives"
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19, Female from Montreal, Quebec - Canada Canadian Chat
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i'm so sorry

Posted August 24 2009 09:03 PM   Mood: Distressed     

i'm so sorry i lied. i'm so sorry you cant trust me. i'm so sorry i didn't just come clean. i hate myself for what i did. i'm going to cover this up and if i goes away so help me god i will never lie again. i will do everything right. please please dear god let this work out. please. i shouldn't of done any of the horrible stupid things I did over the last year but i will not ever do them again. i will work and go to school and that will be everything. i will never do anything else. i will work my fingers to the bone. i promise i will never do it again. please dear god just let me get through this.


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Trying something new

Posted August 19 2009 04:01 PM   Mood: Blank   Listening to: Slipped away  

I love that I can write here; I can express my true self. No inhibitions; just the realest of all my emotions. I feel absoloutley enthralled by the possilibities of the next year. This is going to be such a large change it's absoloutley breath-taking. I wander the streets at night alot. I feel like part of me is looking for trouble; another part of me is hoping for change. I feel like if i could just break out of my routine it would be different. Like I would suddenly magically transform or something would just miraculously click inside my head to make everything seem so clear. Nothing ever happens like that though; only in the movies; or in a fairytale. In real life you work hard every day to try and keep everything in working order and still you fail. Sometimes you succeed but more often than not the hero doesn't win. I wonder why I'm not the hero in my own story. I've created my own hero. It's an alter-ego that makes things better when I need them to be. I rely on myself a lot; on my alter eg that is to make things alright. I suppose there isn't anything wrong with that though because in the end it's still me; just a different version of me. The strong steady stable balanced version who doesn't fear anything. I fear lots of things. I don't admit to it but I do. I worry about everything. I guess it's just the fact that change is iminent and being set-in your ways at 18 isn't a real possibility. I love the idea of going away for a week to the beach. Costa Rica sounds beautiful; I would go anywhere just as long as it's away from here. I will be saving as much money as I can to make sure I've got some for a trip; even if we just go to Ottawa and spend time in a hotel; I couldn't care less; I just need to get away.


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I want you to know...

Posted July 19 2009 08:50 PM   Mood: Crushed   Listening to: already gone  

I can't believe I've done this already. I've set myself up to fail. I'm alone in tears again and for what? I can't get you off my brain; since the first time you kissed me it's making me crazy. I need to make it work. I'm so scared of getting hurt again that I almost don't want to do this. I don't want to expect too much. I want to keep it simple but I can't help myself from slipping into momentary fantasy. I think about how it could be. I've got almost everything I need; I want you to make it complete. For the first time in 2 years; just to have everything. I need a sign. or some reassurance. ...


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone
Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone


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You're too silly for me.

Posted April 27 2009 08:50 AM   Mood: Grateful   Doing: homework :(   

You are so silly, i love everything you say. I want to kiss you every time we talk, and I wish you were lying with me every time I go to sleep. I can't believe you have to be so far away... but you make me so happy & I needed to tell you that. <3 you are so amazing to me.


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Giving up & walking away aren't the same thing

Posted April 26 2009 07:30 PM   Mood: Indifferent   Listening to: skyway avenue  

You say I'm too serious, and I say I don't understand.
I wanted what you wanted but you're the one who made it more of what it was... I never said anything about it until you got me ready there was something we share; or something we were supposed to share; at least i think. I'm not giving up I'm walking away. I don't need you to ignore me. make me feel bad. make me feel like I did something wrong. being alone in this mess is punishment enough without you adding anything to it. You're the one who said I was so special, who said I mattered so much. You're the one who wanted to move, who wanted to be here. You were supposed to be here for me. You said you would and light a fool I beleived it. I followed a light in the dark until you unplugged it; well I've got news for you; I've got a f~$z*x& flashlight. I don't need to tell you who you are, because you won't even read this. I don't even need to cry anymore because love is just a lie. People are so scared of being alone that they pair up in this frenxy to escape lonliness but in the end all you've got is you. There isn't anyone who will stand by you. In the end we are alone in the world. Next time I'll know better than to try. It's all bullshit. If I told you I loved you it wouldn't mean anything, you wouldn't believe me and you would call me serious and stupid and leave me here alone. I want you here with me more than anything else in the world. I've never felt this connected to someone so far away before in my whole life. It doesn't even matter anymore. You've left and now I'm leaving. There isn't anything for me here but a broken heart and a stupid dream. I know I'll be okay with this, it's what we're losing that makes me sad. What we could've had.


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I'm falling apart; with a broken heart that's still beating...

Posted January 3 2009 10:00 AM   Mood: Loved   Listening to: Lifehouse; saved me & brought me home..   

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you


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It's not fair; but it's never fair.

Posted November 13 2008 10:01 PM   Mood: Cold   Listening to: music  

I followed a light in the dark until you unplugged it.

Be careful what you do; 'cause I'm not bulletproof.

How come if you have a kid with someone 4 years younger than you it's alright?

I've been trying not to think about all the things you did before...


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